


F*** You and Your Valentines

by 1f_ckb0nes1



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon? Not? Kinda in the canon universe but with a twist, Cheating, Kozume Kenma is a Good Friend, Lots of people make an appearence, M/M, Minor Akaashi Keiji/Miya Osamu, My First Work in This Fandom, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Plz don't copy right me I don't own the song used in this, Singer!Bokuto, Swearing, haha its 3am why am I posting this, no like seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:20:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29674110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1f_ckb0nes1/pseuds/1f_ckb0nes1
Summary: Basically, valentines day turns hellish. Good song Inspo though.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Miya Osamu, Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	F*** You and Your Valentines

**Author's Note:**

> The song used in this is F**k You and All Your Friends By Falling in Reverse. I do not own the lyrics or copyright to this song. Some lyrics have been slightly changed to fit the story though, but it is barley there. 
> 
> Anyway hello! I wanted some valentines angst and wrote this;')) I started this on valentines day and I really didn't plan for it to take this long to write, but its okay. I hope you guys enjoy it! Please be nice, this is my first time writing and posting a public fic.

It had been almost three months since the white haired male had been in Japan. He dearly missed it and everyone he had to leave behind for his life overseas. 

“Flight 243 from Los Angeles to Tokyo now boarding.” 

The overhead call shook him from his excited daydream of surprising everyone was cut short when he had heard the overhead call. Quickly standing up, he made sure he had everything for the 12 hour flight he had planned. It was Friday, the 12th of February and he had made plans to get away from his record label in the states a little early to visit his home back in Japan to see his family, friends and long time partner of nearly four years. 

After scanning his ticket, he had made his way to his seat near the back of the plane, making sure his facemask and sunglasses covered his face. His trademark black and white hair was tucked almost completely under a black beanie with only a few strands of black peaking out so he wouldn’t be recognized. 

Bokuto Kōtarō had been scouted during the end of his third year after playing in a small cafe near his home. He had only been doing it to earn money to help his mother and two older sisters with bills or college tuition, as well as do something to keep himself busy. Soon after, he quickly found passion in the talent he had decided to refine. Never in a million years did he expect an American big name company to scout him and offer him a contract overseas. The only reason he had accepted was because he had so much support from pretty much everyone in his life to go and accomplish his dreams. Nobody supported him more than his former best friend and new boyfriend Akaashi Keiji. The third and second year duo had started dating just after Keiji’s birthday during his second year. After Bokuto had gotten his injury, Keiji was there to encourage Bokuto to not give up now that he was no longer able to play the sport he loved so dearly. After attending one of Bokuto’s small concerts one weekend, he immediately noticed the passion the third year had for music and used that to push him to try and pursue music. Bokuto felt completely lost, having to watch his team from the sidelines, never being able to play in games for the rest of the school year, pro teams turning him down, so he figured he’d give it a shot and sign with the American company, even if that meant leaving behind a life here he had built. Akaashi reasoned it would be alright since he was doing something he loved. 

Several surgeries, many english lessons, and a couple signatures later, Bokuto found himself creating music in America and quickly gaining popularity. People fell in love with his music, some of his songs being written and sung entirely in english, some being completely japanese, and some being a mix of both. At age 20, he had already gone platinum on some albums and had his songs being streamed worldwide. As a kid, he had loved American music, especially rock and alternative. Many of his songs fell in that category with him being lead guitarist and lead singer. He was a solo artist, but sometimes people from other bands would come and play bass or drums if some of his songs needed it. If not, it was just him, his guitar, and the beat created by machines. He didn’t mind though, being a solo singer/songwriter came with amazing perks. He received critique and sometimes his record label didn’t let him release some songs but his entire brand was based on the idea of freedom and doing things that seemed impossible to show that nothing was actually impossible. 

At first, long distance had been horrible on the two. Akaashi no longer looked forward to eating lunch with anyone since it had been him and Bokuto pretty much since he had stepped foot on the court, Bokuto couldn’t call as often due to the time zone differences, and they both just didn’t have anyone there for them anymore like they had been for each other. Granted, Akaashi had other friends and his family of course, Bokuto had the new people he had met in the US so they weren’t alone, but they weren’t at each other's side anymore and that is what truly took the most toll on them. After a while though, they learned to adapt. Yes, they couldn’t see each other too much but Bokuto tried to take many trips back home to see everyone when he wasn’t making new music or on tour. Over the years though, as his career kept improving, Akaashi graduated and went to college and got a new job. Their visits became less frequent and Bokuto stopped visiting Japan as often as he used to. Now, he was lucky to get in five to seven trips a year. Their facetime calls and text messages even became less frequent. Many insecurities popped up but Bokuto loved Akaashi with everything in his heart and he was sure Akaashi felt the same so they never gave up on eachother and did their best to make it work. 

Fast forward to this trip, Bokuto had found time to make a surprise visit home. He hadn’t been home at all this year yet so he figured he would surprise everyone. First up, he wanted to see his family. He deeply missed his sisters and mother so they were top priority. His plan was to show up Friday night since his plane had left at midnight that same day and would take about 12 hours to actually arrive. He also had to factor in that Japan was five hours ahead of LA time so he would be home sometime around six pm or seven pm. He wanted to spend all day Saturday with them and then surprise Keiji Sunday morning at his apartment with his favorite coffee and breakfast and then take him on a fancy date and try to make up for lost time. 

He had thought about proposing, but he figured it was a little early and something told him to just wait. After all, he himself was only 22 and Keiji had only turned 21 not too long ago. Besides, they had their whole lives to plan together after tonight. 

That was another thing he wanted to tell everyone. His record label had agreed to transfer him to the Japanese branch of the company since it had recently opened up after announcing they were going worldwide. The original plan was to start in the UK first but the most successful artist from that company was from Japan so they decided to start there. The only thing that was made public though was them planning to expand world wide. Bokuto thought of this as the perfect opportunity to finally move back home and not have to be separated from everyone he loved now. He was so excited to see everyone's reactions! 

After settling in his seat, Bokuto removed his glasses and checked his phone for any messages. Nothing new, just something from his manager to remind him to text him when he lands in Japan and to have a safe flight. His text checking on Akaashi remained unread but he expected that. Besides, it was only around five am in Japan so the ebony haired male would likely be out for another few hours before getting up to get ready for work. 

Soon after the flight took off, Bokuto drifted off to sleep, his dreams being filled with seeing everyone again and telling them the news that he would be able to pursue his career from home now. 

\-- 

When his flight landed, the very first thing Bokuto did was stretch his legs and body. He was a little sore from falling asleep weirdly, but he felt just fine after he collected his bags and got a coffee. Yes, it may have only been half past five pm but jetlag was getting to him. 

Soon enough, he had gathered his bags and was in a taxi on his way to his family home. During the beginning of his career, he had made more money than he knew what to do with so he figured he would help his family upgrade their small, three bedroom home to something bigger and more nice. He had also helped pay off any debts his mother was in and did his best to help out whenever anyone needed anything. His oldest sister was an olympian gymnast, so she was often away at practice or competitions. His other older sister was a successful business woman, she was the CEO of her very own cosmetics company. She was actually one of the youngest CEOs out there as of now, only being 24 years old. His mother worked as a physical therapist for athletes and loved her job dearly. Sometimes, she would attend games or events of the athletes she would take care of. 

Overall, his family was very successful and he loved them all dearly. 

Once he had arrived at the beautiful, two story home, he had smiled and almost forgot about being tired from the long flight he had. He tipped the driver generously before making his way to the door with his luggage. 

The door swung open and a small muscular girl with long white hair tied into a ponytail immediately embraced him with tears of joy stinging her eyes. “Kōtarō-chan!” she shouted, alerting the other women of the house to come to the door. In a matter of seconds, he was whisked inside while his mom and sisters expressed how excited they were that he had come home. 

“Kō-chan, I missed you! Why didn’t you text me, I would have gotten dinner!” His second oldest sister, Kumiko, whined. She was full on bawling while clinging tightly to her baby brother's arm. She had always been the more emotional one out of the siblings. That was saying something. 

“Nonsense Mimi-chan! I’ll get started on something. I was going to make curry, but I think it’ll be better to have yakiniku instead. Actually, should we go out? Oh it’s been so long since I had all three of you in my arms!” His mother, Aya, said, trying her best to hold all of her children. 

“We should get take out instead! Kōtarō-chan must be tired from that long flight and I’m sore from practice.” Kokomi, the oldest Bokuto sibling said from her spot being squished between her siblings and mom. She may have been strong, but she was the shortest one in the family. 

“Can we get take out from that one restaurant by the park? They have the best barbeque!” Kōtarō said, already starting to feel the drool pool in his mouth. 

Sure enough, everyone agreed and they were soon talking loudly over what was probably way too much food about 45 minutes later. 

Kōtarō told them the exciting news about being moved to Japan while still being able to pursue music and this time, almost everyone burst into tears since he wouldn’t have to do short little trips every now and then like he used to. Hell, Kōtarō even cried a bit. He told them his plan with Akaashi on Sunday and they absolutely loved the idea. Nobody had really heard from the young man in a while, but they just assumed he was busy and didn’t have time to stop by. He was still texting and calling Kōtarō but it wasn’t like before. Kōtarō just figured the distance was getting to him again but he was certain that after Sunday he would never have to worry about that again. 

\--

The next day, Kokomi had a practice competition to prepare for nationals that were coming up in the spring so Kōtarō, Kumiko, and Aya all attended to cheer on the eldest sibling. Kokomi ended up placing second overall and she wasn’t very happy with it yet her family still cheered louder than anyone in the gym.

Kōtarō even got to see Kuroo, one of his long time best friends, at the event. One of his co-workers had a sibling that was a newbie competing today so he was invited to come along. Thank god he agreed or else he wouldn’t have gotten to see his favorite best bro ever. Their reunion was bitter sweet since they didn’t get to talk for very long but they agreed to hang out sometime this week when Kuroo wasn’t busy. He also had to make sure the black haired male would promise to keep his arrival in Tokyo a secret until after Sunday since he still had to surprise Akaashi. Of course, he agreed. 

\--

The next morning, Bokuto woke up at around 5:30 am to get ready for the day and get everything prepared for the day to come. By 6:25 he was showered and ready to go. He had an outfit planned for when he saw Akaashi, but for now he just wore casual clothing to go shopping. All he had to do was drive around to some stores to pick up a few things and he was ready. Luckily, he had thought ahead and had gotten his American drivers license transferred to a Japanese one months ago. 

While at the stores, he thankfully didn’t get recognized with his face mask, sunglasses, and beanie combination so he was successfully able to pick up a large assorted bouquet of Akaashi’s favorite flowers, a decently large teddy bear, and a few pink and red balloons to tie to it. Something simple, but cute. He knew Akaashi hated large or grand things so he compromised and played it fairly safe. 

Akaashi usually woke up around 8:30 or 9am so Bokuto still had about an hour left to go home and pick up breakfast before he could begin heading over. 

He was so excited, he had trouble fixing up the buttons on his shirt. His outfit was simple, after living with and being around stylists 24/7 while in America, he had picked up on a few things to make himself look good without overdoing it. His outfit of choice today was some solid black doc marten chelsea boots, gray dress pants, and a black turtleneck since he ended up busting some of the buttons of his shirt from excitement. He refused to admit it was nerves. Besides, why should he be nervous? They had been dating for nearly four years. Then again, it had been awhile since they had seen each other and Akaashi had been pretty scarce with his texting yesterday and he even forgot to send his usual goodnight text. What if he was sick? Hurt? What if he didn’t like the gift? What if he wasn’t home? 

Bokuto quickly slapped his cheeks, hard enough to leave a red mark, before taking a deep breath. This was no reason to overthink, this was not a reason to get upset. He probably just had a long day at the office and fell asleep as soon as he got home. It wouldn’t be the first time Akaashi worked himself into exhaustion. He promised that as long as he was back home, he would make sure Akaashi took proper care of himself. 

“Akaashi is going to love the flowers and the bear and the balloons. He’s going to be home safe and sound and he’s going to be so happy I’m back.”

Bokuto kept repeating that to himself in the mirror as he brushed his teeth and styled his hair. He decided to wear it sort of side swept today. The sides had been cut recently a little too short for his liking but he decided to work with it and wear his hair down and still pushed out of his face. 

Satisfied with his look, Kōtarō grinned to himself in the mirror and felt himself get jittery with excitement again. He couldn’t wait to see Akaashi! 

Checking the time, he saw it was almost 8:15. Quickly, he grabbed his keys and said goodbye to his family before quickly getting in his car. He still had to get breakfast and coffee for Akaashi so he would have to move fast to avoid the rush at their favorite cafe from their school days. 

It was a little after 8:40 when Bokuto finally arrived. Granted, he didn’t expect Akaashi to be up at 8:30am sharp on a Sunday, but he still wanted to get here at what he assumed was on time. 

It was a little tricky, balancing the bear and flowers in one arm while he held the coffee and breakfast bag in the other, but he somehow managed. The tricky part was knocking. He debated on whether or not to kick the door a bit but with these boots he had, he figured that wasn’t the best choice of actions. He had managed to knock, not as loud as he would have liked, with one knuckle without dropping the contents in his arms. After about a minute, he heard nothing and began getting antsy. He shifted things around till he had the bag of food in his mouth and the flowers and coffee in one hand with the bear balanced on his hip secured by his arm. At least he had one hand free. He knocked again and still received no response. 

“Keijiiiii~ Wake up!” He whined, a pout on his lips. Kōtarō Sighed and decided to just use the spare key. It was better than waking the neighbors and if he ended up not being home, he would be able to leave the gifts and surprise him later. As much as he hated that second option, he would do it anyway. Besides, if he was home and was just sleeping, what better way to wake up than to the face of your boyfriend that you haven't seen in three months? 

Kōtarō grinned and found the spare key, getting into the apartment and closing the door gently behind him. When he walked in, he was surprised to see the place looking a little messy, coats thrown over the couch and shoes a mess on the floor. 

“When did Keiji get boots like these?” 

Kōtarō thought to himself, looking at the black boots on the floor. They looked like they’d come up to about the middle of his shin, but he could have swore that the highest boots Keiji would wear, if any at all, were only ankle high. 

He shook it off and made his way to the kitchen to set down the food and coffee. Akaashi’s mother was probably here or something. The boots did look a bit femine. 

After a quick once over in his phone camera, he adjusted the gifts in his hands and made his way down the hall where Akaashi’s bedroom was. He could hear some small thumps and footsteps from inside, so he assumed the other had just woken up. Perfect. 

In a few seconds, he had pushed open the door and grinned brightly, excited to finally see his lover after so long. “Surprise!!” He shouted to the man he assumed was already awake. 

He was shocked and even flinched a little when a shrill shriek entered his ears rather than Akaashi shouting his name. When he had opened his eyes, his blood ran cold. 

Yes, Akaashi was awake but he was near his closet shirtless with nothing but pajama bottoms on and a, what Kōtarō assumed, was a naked woman in his bed using the white duvet to cover herself. 

What the hell had he just walked into. 

He dropped the bear from his arm, the flowers still grasped in his hand as he just stared at the scene in front of him. He still hadn’t processed it fully. 

Finally, Akaashi woke from his shocked state and spoke. “K-Kōtarō! What-I uhm. I can explain!” He shouted, making his way over to the shocked man in his bedroom doorway. The woman still had yet to say anything, just hiding herself under the blankets. 

Bokuto blinked and looked directly at Akaashi, his face morphing into an expression of hurt. “Explain? What is this Keiji? Who is she and why is she naked in your bed?” He asked, his voice sounding quiet and calm despite how he was feeling inside. The clothes thrown over the floor of his room should have told him more than enough, but he just wanted to hear it out of Akaashi’s mouth. 

“We can talk about this, just hear me out!” Akaashi said, now sounding desperate. He reached out to grab Bokuto’s arm but he moved out of the way, taking a step back. His face now showed anger, his eyes starting to sting now that all the pieces started to fit together in his mind. He’d be damned if he started crying though. “Then fucking explain why you have a naked woman in your bed on Valentines day! What the hell is this Keiji?! Did you sleep with her?!” He shouted, his voice booming throughout the apartment. He couldn’t find it in him to care, he only cared about the pain in his chest and wanted answers. 

Akaashi flinched when Bokuto yelled, averting his eyes to the floor and messing with his hands. “Y-Yes! I mean no! I- NO! It was an accident! I swear I would never do nothing to hurt you like this on purpose!” He pleaded, stepping closer and gripping onto the sleeve of Bokuto’s shirt. 

Kōtarō sighed and refused to make eye contact. Instead, he focused on the photo hung up next to him by the door from their last date before Bokuto left for America. “Four years, Keiji. You just threw four years down the drain, got caught, and now you expect me to believe it was an accident? I know I’m not the smartest guy out there, but can you at least give me something better than that?” He said, his voice low and starting to shake. He had to tightly close his eyes and bit his lip hard enough to taste iron so he didn’t say or do anything else. 

Akaashi tightened his grip. He was close to tears now. “No but it’s the truth! I-I-I was lonely and I went out with some friends last night and got drunk and next thing I know I’m waking up with her in my bed! Please, Kō, don’t do this. I love you and only you, it was just a meaningless one night stand!” At this point, Akaashi was pretty much begging, holding a vice grip on the sleeve of Bokuto’s shirt. 

Kōtarō scoffed and roughly took his arm back, a cold look in his eyes that shook Akaashi to the core and sent shivers down his bare back. “At least you told the truth.” He said, his lip curling up with anger. “I’m not doing anything. You did this all to yourself, we’re done.” He spat, throwing the large bouquet at his now ex boyfriend. “By the way, breakfast is on the table. Happy Valentine's day, Keiji and Ms. Mystery woman.” He said over his shoulder, making his way to the front door. He could hear Akaashi shouting for him to wait and the woman finally speak up and say something but he didn’t care nor want to hear it. Another second in that place and he would lose it. 

Before Akaashi could make it downstairs, now with a shirt on, Bokuto was already speeding off. In his rear view mirror, he could see Akaashi sink to his knees with his head in his hands, clearly breaking down. Bokuto had to fight every urge in his body that told him to go back and he kept driving, tears now streaming down his own face as well. 

Happy Valentine's day indeed. 

\-- 

A week after his arrival back in Japan, the media had found out and that very same day he was making headlines and paparazzi had begun following him once again. It was almost like he never left America. 

During that week, Akaashi had been non stop calling and texting Bokuto, begging for him to meet up so they could talk properly about what happened. Each time, Bokuto either didn’t respond or sent the same reply back. 

[To: Bokuto Kōtarō Delivered 15:23] 

Akaashi: Kōtarō please talk to me. I didn’t mean to sleep with Mai-san, it was just a drunken accident! You have every right to be angry, but let’s talk about this. 

[From: Bokuto Kōtarō Sent 16:52]

Bokuto: Glad to know she has a name. We’re done, lose my number Akaashi-kun. 

This went on for another week or so until Bokuto decided to change his number. He could have just blocked his number, but he literally could not find it in his heart to do that. Hell, he nearly cried when he called his phone company to ask for the number change.

During those weeks, he had opened up to Kuroo about the situation and some other of his closest friends like the old captains from his third year and a few others he was close with. 

He was shocked to find out that the people Akaashi had gone to the bar with, Komi, Konoha, Yuki, Atsumu, Osamu, and Daishō had actually encouraged Keiji to let loose and even introduced that woman to him. Kenma had gone along as well, but he was more of a wallflower. He tried to step in and stop Keiji from making a mistake for Kōtarō’s sake but everyone was far too drunk to reason with when things had started to escalate. By the time Kenma had found time to talk to Kuroo about it, Bokuto had already found out and was at Kuroo’s doorstep bawling his eyes out with Kenma there awkwardly offering moral support as well as explaining the situation. 

He was even more pissed at Keiji now since they had only gotten to the drunken cheating point by being influenced by a pretty girl with drinks. 

“Bo, it’s okay. You’re so much better than some woman of the night. Cheer up, Akaashi just lost the best thing that ever happened to him!” Kuroo tried his best to cheer up his best friend, holding him tightly and rubbing circles on his back. 

“You don’t get it Tetsu! I clearly am missing something if he just left me for some beautiful woman who was there! I knew I shouldn’t have left overseas! Damnit, why am I so stupid?! No wonder Keiji cheated.” Kōtarō sobbed. His heart was absolutely shattered. He wished he could rewind time and come back just a little earlier to avoid this, or maybe to not have left at all. Anything to get rid of this pain in his heart and to have Keiji in his arms again. 

“Kōtarō, you’re not stupid. You may not be the sharpest tool in the shed but you have every right to do what you’re passionate about without having to worry about the loyalty of your partner when you’re away. Keiji messed up, that’s on him and him alone. I’ve talked to him and he regrets it but that still doesn’t mean you have to forgive him or go back to him.” Kenma said, finally speaking up after listening to Bokuto cry to Kuroo for a while. 

Bokuto sniffled, finally releasing his vice grip on Kuroo and looked at the smaller blond with red puffy eyes and flushed cheeks. “I miss him so much. But you’re right Kenma. Fuck I don’t know what to do!” He shouted in frustration, now laying his head in Kenma’s lap and sobbing once again. He felt like he was having a relapse of his old emo modes, just much worse this time.

Kenma almost flinched at the contact but he held back and sighed, placing his hand in Bokuto’s black and silver hair. He didn’t like much physical contact, but there were many times he made exceptions. Mostly only for the people he was close with. “That’s fair. It’s only been a day, I don’t blame you for being heartbroken. Focus on yourself and take time to heal, stop worrying about what you did wrong.” He simply said, lightly scratching Bokuto’s scalp with his nails. 

Kuroo nodded in agreement, scooting over and putting his hands on his best friends back. “Kenma’s right, Bo. Take time to heal, and stop blaming yourself! Just because your partner was unfaithful doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you.” He said. 

Both Kenma and Kuroo never expected Akaashi to cheat so they were just as shocked when they had witnessed it and heard of it. Nonetheless, like the good friends they were, they would be there for Bokuto and support him through this. Besides, he needed it the most right now. 

\--

Almost two months after the incident, Bokuto still wasn’t very okay with everything, but he managed to go through his daily life without too much of a struggle. He ended up getting his own apartment not too far from his family home so they and any of his friends that he gave his address to could come visit him. It was a really nice gated complex and his apartment was on the 8th floor. It was very spacious and had about three rooms total. One of the rooms was used as an office, the other a soundproof room to practice his guitar in, and the other his personal bedroom. The great thing about these though was they could easily be made into a guest room if he decided to just put a bed in there. Kuroo, Oikawa and Ushijima helped him move in one weekend, those being some of his closest friends and captains in high school. He had met Oikawa and gotten along really well when Nekoma had played Seijoh and Kuroo introduced them after the game. He had met Ushiwaka when they both had made it into the top three spikers in the country. They exchanged phone numbers at an event once and just stayed in contact ever since. 

“Bo-chan! I didn’t know you have so much stuff!” Oikawa complained, fanning his face with his hand after moving a box of pots and pans in the kitchen area. 

Bokuto shrugged and continued to walk down the hall where his office area was. “I like to cook.” he simply said, adjusting the large box in his arms. 

Oikawa sighed and looked at Kuroo who was unpacking the boxes in the living room and Ushiwaka who was setting up the TV stand. None of them had been asked to do more than help bring up boxes from the moving truck, but they decided to help their friend out who was still going through a tough time. 

“I see he’s still in pain.” Ushiwaka commented bluntly, looking up from the complex instruction manual he was reading. Seriously, why had he offered to do this out of everything else. 

Kuroo nodded and took out an old team photo from when Bokuto was still at Fukuōdani. Everyone in the photo was smiling and Bokuto was in the middle with a cast on his leg holding himself up with crutches. This was taken just after Akaashi and Bokuto started dating so they were standing close together with Akaashi’s hand on his back. 

He mentally cringed, wondering if it was a good idea or not to put this photo on display. “I don’t know what to do with this photo.” He said, Oikawa walking over to have a look. They exchanged glances and left it in the box. Bokuto could figure out what he wants to do with it on his own. 

“I mean, photoshop exists.” Oikawa shrugged, going over to help the struggling Ushiwaka. 

Kuroo nodded in agreement and said he was going to go check on Bokuto. From down the hall, he could hear Oikawa laughing at Ushiwaka. “Ushiwaka-chan! These instructions are in Korean, and upside down!” The black haired male shook his head and pushed open the door to the office, seeing Bokuto there staring at some picture in his hands. 

“Bo, is everything okay in here?” He asked, walking over. 

Bokuto flinched at hearing someone's voice, almost dropping the photo he held in his hands. He quickly regained his composure and nodded, his eyes going back to the picture in his hands. “Yeah, I just found this. I always had this photo at my office desk overseas so I would never… you know. I don’t know. I just felt secure knowing I had this.” He explained, showing Kuroo the photo in question. 

The photo was of Bokuto and Akaashi at Akaashi’s high school graduation celebration. The Akaashi family had decided to hold a party for their only son’s big day and invited as many close friends and family could fit in their backyard. In the photo, Akaashi held his degree in his hands with a wide smile while Bokuto held him in his arms, a matching grin plastered on his face. They both just looked so happy and in love, even Akaashi’s parents insisted on having a copy of the photo for memories sake. Kenma, however, hated it. Yes it was a very sweet photo and he loved that part but in the background, you could see him and Kuroo stuffing their faces with pie. Kuroo didn’t mind since you couldn’t really see either of them but the blurred image of him with chubby cheeks full of pie really irked him. He couldn’t even count the amount of times he asked to have it photoshopped or offered to photoshop it himself. Kuroo remembered all of this very vividly in his head and furrowed his eyebrows a bit, now holding the photo in his hands. He wasn’t sure how to feel about this photo either. 

“He’s in so many photos, Kuroo. I don’t want to see them, but I can’t throw them away either.” Bokuto said, running a hand through his spiked up hair. He attempted to at least, the gel sort of stopped him. 

“I know Bo. How about you just put the photos away? You don’t have to see them, or throw them out.” Kuroo reasoned, placing the photo in an empty box in the corner of the room. This was really the only solution he could think of. Hell, if he was in Bokuto’s place, he probably would have just had every photo out, even if it was tourture. 

Bokuto nodded and put a couple more photos in there, deciding on a later time to come back and organize everything. 

They both walked into the livingroom together where Ushiwaka and Oikawa were watching a video on how to set the TV stand up. Neither of them knew Korean so they figured watching a video, which was also fully in Korean, would be more helpful than trying to read it. 

“Seriously?” Kuroo asked, placing his hand on his hip and sending the two volleyball players a look. 

“What?! You translate Korean then. Dumbass over here was reading it upside down.” Oikawa huffed. Ushijima had a look of offense but he didn’t protest since that’s exactly what he was doing. 

Bokuto laughed at his friends, happy to finally be back home around the people he loved. Things were far from what he wanted them to be, but with his friends at his side, he figured he’d be just fine. 

Kuroo smiled fondly, happy to finally have gotten a smile from his best friend. He clapped his hands, successfully getting everyones together. “Alright, I think that’s enough for now. Let’s get takeout.” He said, a grin on his face. Everyone agreed and soon enough, they all fell into conversation about what they wanted to have for dinner and shared stories about their lives over the years. 

\-- 

Three months and four days after Bokuto had caught Akaashi cheating, he ran into him at the grocery store. 

Bokuto was looking at the produce section when a painfully familiar voice came up behind him. “Kōt- I mean B-Bokuto-san.” 

Bokuto turned his head, making eye contact with the familiar gunmetal blue eyes he had fallen in love with so long ago. His expression remained neutral, not wanting to draw attention to himself in the very public place. It was fairly late at night and he usually did his shopping at this time so he could avoid the media's attention and fans running into him. He didn’t bother with his sunglasses and face mask combination, he just had a beanie over his bicolored flat hair. 

“Akaashi.” He simply greeted, now fully facing the male before him. He looked the same as ever, if not a little tired. He wore a simple cream colored sweatshirt with some jeans and had his glasses over his pretty eyes. If Bokuto looked close enough, he could see the dark circles underneath the frames. 

Apparently, Akaashi wasn’t expecting him to reply since he averted his eyes and started messing with his fingers. 

“How have you been?” Akaashi asked, not sure where to go with this conversation. 

Bokuto hummed and adjusted the basket on his arm, placing a hand on his hip. He did his best to keep his expression neutral so Akaashi wouldn’t pick up on how badly he was still hurting. “I’ve been about as good as someone who got cheated on can be.” He said, immediately noticing how Akaashi flinched when he said that. Okay, so he was still a little salty, but he had been hanging out with Tsukki and Yamaguchi lately so could you blame him? Plus, breaking someone’s trust like that was the worst and he wasn’t exactly happy that happened. “I have to go. See you around.” He said, looking away and walking past the ebony haired male. He wanted so desperately to just go and hold him in his arms and wipe that sad look off his pretty face but he had to hold himself back. Loyalty was one of his greatest values in life, he couldn’t just go back to someone who broke that trust, no matter how much it hurt. 

“W-Wait!” Akaashi said, grabbing the back of Bokuto’s sweatshirt to stop him before he left. He had drawn a few people's attention, but all that were really here was tired college students who couldn’t care less about someone's drama. Bokuto simply stopped walking, still facing away but waiting for Akaashi to say whatever it is he has to say. 

Akaashi reluctantly let go, his eyes on his hands that were nervously fidgeting. “Can we talk? Like, actually talk? I know you’re angry, and you have every right to be, but I-'' Bokuto cut him off sharply, his golden eyes staring intensely into Akaashi’s eyes. “Fine. You want to talk? Let’s talk.” He said, his fingernails digging into his palms. He could already hear Kuroo in his head yelling at him for agreeing so easily. “I’ll be at your place tomorrow at 8am. Goodnight, Akaashi.” Bokuto said, turning away and walking to go pay for his groceries before Akaashi could get a word in. 

“Okay, goodnight Bokuto-san.” Akaashi whispered, still staring at Bokuto as he walked away. 

\--

The next morning, Bokuto woke up at around 6am, just sitting in bed until he finally got up to shower and get ready. He had facetimed Kuroo and told him everything that happened at the store. Kuroo tried to talk him out of it and asked him to wait a little longer but he refused, insisting he was ready to at least get closure. 

The silver haired male spent longer in the shower than he had planned, getting out about 45 minutes later. He didn’t care if he was later than 8am, even if he was always on time no matter where he went. He got dressed in high top black and white converse with a black shirt and white jeans paired with them. He decided to not style his hair, just leaving it down to airdry. It usually dried pretty nice naturally with no frizz so he didn't worry much after he had raked a brush through it. 

By 7:30, he had left his apartment and was starting his car. He waited a few minutes for his car to warm up before taking off. On the way, he decided to treat himself and get a coffee from the shop nearby. It was the morning rush hour so it took him about 15 minutes before he actually got his warm drink. He arrived at Akaashi’s apartment complex a little after 8am, taking his sweet time to find a parking spot before heading up to the second floor. Before he had gotten out of his car, he had just sat for a while with both of his hands gripping the wheel tightly. He knew he didn’t have to do this. He knew he could easily turn back and move on with his life and pretend Akaashi never existed but he just couldn’t leave behind someone who was such an important part of his life for so long. He would have been living a lie if he did that. At the very least, he could get closure and a proper explanation so he could move on with his life, love be damned. 

Bokuto slapped his cheeks, not hard enough to leave a mark this time, and mentally prepared for what he was about to walk into. He had to make sure to not break down in the middle of the conversation and to make sure he didn’t blow up at his ex. Yes he may have been angry but that didn’t mean he needed to direct that anger towards Akaashi, no matter how much he fucked up. He was angry at being cheated on, not at Akaashi personally. He just couldn’t find it in him to be mad at his former setter for more than a day. Hell he was pretty sure that the very next day after being cheated on he had lost all that anger towards him. 

With a sigh, he got out of his car and locked it, stuffing his keys in his pocket and walking at a casual pace up the stairs to Akaashi’s apartment. He hadn’t finished his coffee, but he decided to just leave it in the car. 

Bokuto pulled out his phone and checked the time, seeing it was already 8:21. He was definitely later than what he had planned, but he simply didn’t care much. Once he reached the door, he hesitated. He could still turn back, he could just pretend he never saw Akaashi last night and move on, but he wouldn’t be okay with that. He refused to live with himself knowing he had an opportunity for closure but blew it. He shook his head and knocked a couple times, waiting for Akaashi to answer the door. 

Within seconds, the door opened and Akaashi stood there neatly dressed in black pants, a white button up, and a gray pull over sweatshirt over top of it. He didn’t have his glasses on and his hair was styled how it usually was now that it was a bit longer; parted down the middle with his bangs framing his face. Bokuto had to hold himself back from calling the man in front of him beautiful. 

“Hi, Bokuto-san. Come in.” Akaashi said, sounding a little breathless. Bokuto mentally slapped himself. He wasn’t here to flirt, he was here for closure. Closure damnit! 

The silver haired male simply nodded, stepping in when Akaashi moved and removed his shoes. The two made their way to the living room area, taking a seat on the couch on opposite sides. “Would you like some coffee? There’s some brewing in the kitchen.” Akaashi offered, sitting on the edge of his seat. 

Well, he had left his in the car and still was craving some. Why not? Bokuto nodded and leaned back into the comfortable black leather. “Sure. Do you still have the salted caramel creamer?” He asked, tilting his head a bit. Akaashi nodded and went into the kitchen. Bokuto didn’t miss the way he had bit his lip a bit. 

Once the two were settled with their warm drinks, both were unsure of how to start the conversation they didn’t want but needed to have. 

“So,” Akaashi said, deciding to be the first to break the few minutes of silence. “How have you been? Like, actually been.” he clarified, not really wanting a rerun of the short conversation from last night. 

Bokuto hummed and looked down at the steaming liquid in his hands. “Good. I moved into a new place and I’m trying to work on new music. Key word try, I’m lost for ideas.” He answered honestly, shrugging his shoulders. He wasn’t at a complete loss for ideas, but he didn’t really want to write his feelings in the form of a song after being cheated on. He had written love songs in the past and even had a few drafts, but he didn’t really feel ready to release anything else about his feelings for the man in front of him. He never let Akaashi in the public light, respecting his privacy and wishes. Wherever he was questioned for interviews, he only said he had a very loving boyfriend, nothing more and nothing less. He still respected his privacy and kept his personal life out of his public life as much as he could. Thankfully, the media had no idea Akaashi existed which Bokuto was grateful for. 

“That’s good, I hope you find inspiration soon.” Akaashi said, allowing a small smile to graze his features. 

Bokuto almost smiled in return. Almost. He so dearly missed seeing Akaashi smile outside of a facetime call and he hadn’t seen it in person in so long. But, he didn’t come here to allow himself to get side tracked. He deserved answers. 

“Thanks. So, aside from all of that, can you tell me what happened on Valentine's weekend? Don’t leave anything out.” Bokuto said, eyeing the other male from above the rim of his coffee mug. 

Akaashi almost flinched under his intense golden gaze, looking down and nodding his head. He did owe him this much, at the very least. 

“Of course.” Akaashi said, taking a deep breath. 

“On Saturday, Konoha-san called me from the bar. He said he and a few other people were there and asked for me to join them since I had gotten off work early.” Akaashi began. 

“Komi, Kenma, Atsumu, Osamu, Yuki, and Daishō right?” Bokuto interrupted. He didn’t bother using nicknames. 

Akaashi nodded. “Yes. Yaku-san was there too but he left before I got there.” He explained. “I agreed since Konoha-san was complaining that I never go out and had caught me in a lie when I tried to get out of it by playing sick. I ended up going and when I had got there Kozume-san was the only one sober.” His grip tightened a bit on the mug in his hands, the heat providing him a silent comfort to continue. “I agreed to one drink but I ended up getting more and eventually one of the waitresses decided to stick around our table. I had had too much to drink so I didn’t notice her advances on me at first. When I had finally caught on, thanks to Kozume-san telling me something, she somehow convinced me she didn’t like men in that way so I kept accepting drinks from her and got way more drunk than I would have liked. She ended up drunk too and next thing I know Konoha-san and Yuki-san are encouraging her to seduce me and Daishō-san and Komi-san are pushing me up against her. I don’t know how, but I suppose I was so drunk I didn’t see anything wrong with that. One thing led to another and I’m waking up with a bad hangover and her in my bed. When we woke up, I regretted whatever took place almost immediately. When I was getting her some clothes to leave in, that’s when you showed up and- well. Yeah, that’s pretty much everything I remember. I didn’t even know her name until I woke up that morning and asked.” Akaashi finished, refusing to meet Bokuto’s eyes. 

“Wow, that’s harsh.” Bokuto said, thinking about how embarrassing it must have been to forget the name of the person you slept with. “Wait, so… This was all a drunken mistake and you weren’t looking to find someone better than me?” Bokuto questioned getting back on topic, hope filling his heart. He would never forget this incident, but he would forgive and if it was simply a one time mistake, he was willing to let Akaashi back in his life. 

“God no, there’s no one better than you out there.” Akaashi answered honestly, scooting a little closer. That was all Bokuto needed to hear, he didn’t need to hear any further explanation. He knew Akaashi better than this, he knew better than to think Akaashi would ever do something like this on purpose to hurt him. He should have known from the start. He just missed him so much, he missed being able to talk about everything and nothing, he missed having this type of bond with someone, he missed everything about this man before him. He didn’t know if he truly accepted Akaashi’s explanation, even with no apology, or if he just so desperately wanted his idealized Akaashi back, but he didn’t care. 

By now, tears were falling freely down Bokuto’s face. He quickly set down his mug and lunged for Akaashi, closing the distance between them and wrapping him in a bone crushing hug. Akaashi immediately returned it, having set his mug down a little while ago, wrapping his arms around Bokuto’s torso and gripping the back of his shirt tightly. “I missed you so much Keiji.” Bokuto said, burying his face in the crook of Akaashi’s neck and breathing in the familiar comforting scent. “I missed you too Kō.” Akaashi said, letting out a small chuckle. 

Bokuto pulled away and wiped his eyes, still sitting at arms length and resting his hands on Akaashi’s knees. He hated to ask, but he just had to know. Kuroo had said he still didn’t fully trust Akaashi so he gave him some advice on questions to ask before diving head first into forgiving him. Okay, so he may have jumped the gun a little and forgave him, if that wasn’t already obvious, but he still had to know. Besides, he had no doubt that he already knew the answer to this question so he had no worries. 

“Keiji, that woman from the bar was the only one right? When I was overseas, you didn’t see anyone else?” He asked, looking into Akaashi’s eyes. 

The thing that shocked him was when Akaashi faltered, averting eye contact and nervously chewing his lip. “I wouldn’t say I saw anyone, no. Definitely didn’t sleep with anyone else either. But uhm, well..” The ebony haired male trailed off, his brows furrowing in distress. 

Bokuto immediately scooted back, trying to get as much distance as possible. “Define that.” He demanded, his eyes hardening. 

Akaashi flinched. “W-When you were away, Yuki-san, Komi-san, Atsumu-san and Konoha-san all noticed how sad I was without you here, according to them. They set me up on a few blind dates but they didn’t mean anything! I only went on them so they would stop bugging me.” He said, trying his best to step lightly. 

Bokuto wasn’t convinced. He knew how pushy that group of people could be so the date part didn’t bother him much, he just wanted to know what took place during those dates. He crossed his arms and now had an angry look on his face. He wasn’t mad at Akaashi really, just his friends for pushing this despite knowing he was in a long term relationship. Then again, Akaashi did go along and he didn’t bring this up before, as far as he could remember. He could almost physically feel his trust starting to break again. “Go on.” He knew Akaashi was holding out some important information, and he was determined to find out every single detail. 

Akaashi felt his heart drop. He knew what he was about to say was going to ruin everything. He could easily lie but he wouldn’t be able to live knowing he was lying to the one he loved the most. He swallowed the lump in his throat and averted his gaze to his hands. “There was one I kept seeing on a regular basis, a mutual friend I guess you could call him. He was so sweet and understanding of the situation I was in I just couldn’t help myself but grow attached. I never wanted to date him, I made that clear and I already had you- he even knew about you. He was okay with being friends so we started hanging out with no romantic implications involved. He came over one day and confessed. I declined, but he kissed me anyway. I hate myself for letting him.” Akaashi had to cut himself off, a sniffle leaving him. God he felt so disgusting admitting this all out loud but it felt so good to get off his chest at the same time. “I continued to let him but it never escalated past that. We never touched each other, we never slept together, we just kissed.” He said, lifting his head to see blank golden eyes staring at him. They looked duller than before and Bokuto looked emotionless. The color had drained from his face and he honestly felt himself disconnect from reality for a second. 

“W-What…?” It didn’t even feel like the words came from Bokuto. He didn’t even realize he had spoken. He snapped out of his daze when Akaashi was at his side, both of his cold hands on his cheeks bringing him back to reality. 

“Kōtarō, please. That’s everything that’s happened while you were overseas, I swear! I love you and only you, the other two meant nothing to me! We were just friends.” Akaashi pleaded, fresh tears falling down his flushed cheeks. 

Bokuto didn’t move, he couldn’t bring himself to even cry. He just felt so… numb. So empty. The love of his life just confessed to not only sleeping with another woman, which he had witnessed the aftermath of, but he also just confessed to cheating multiple other times with some other man. How was he supposed to feel after hearing that. 

“Let go of me.” Bokuto warned, clenching his jaw. He still made no movement, just looked into Akaashi’s glossy eyes. 

Akaashi refused, resting his head on Bokuto’s chest. He couldn’t let Bokuto leave without conveying his true feelings. He loved him and only him, mistakes be damned. Somehow, Akaashi figured if Bokuto knew that he would stay. It would take a miracle but he has witnessed so many miracles in his life he had just a sliver of hope within him. 

Unfortunately, that little bit of hope didn’t last him long because seconds after his head was placed on Bokuto’s chest, he was roughly shoved off and the other was on his feet with his hands gripping angrily at his black and silver hair. 

“FUCK Keiji! Are you serious?! ‘Just friends’ don’t just sleep together and suck face on a regular basis! God, I trusted you! I trusted you to do one simple thing and you blew it! Are you seriously that unsatisfied with me you have to turn to strangers?! I know I’m not the smartest or the most handsome guy out there but couldn’t you at least have the decency to break things off properly before you go hooking up with other people?!” Bokuto was beyond hurt at this point. He knew he would never be able to forgive Akaashi for this or even begin to think about letting him back into his life. His trust was gone, his sense of loyalty was down the drain, he was heartbroken all over again. He was angry. Angry tears were now streaming down his face as he paced a small area of the living room. “Who was it?!” He demanded, looking down at Akaashi who was shrinking back on the couch. “Who was this so called, ‘mutual friend?’”

“Kōtarō I-” Akaashi began. He was immediately cut off by Bokuto demanding to be told who the first one he cheated with was. 

Akaashi bit his lip and accepted his fate. “Miya-san. Miya Osamu. We started talking after Atsumu-san introduced us at my birthday party that was held that week you had to leave back to the states.” he admitted, feeling his skin crawl.

Bokuto cursed loudly and gripped his own hair so tightly Akaashi worried chunks were going to come out. 

“When you told me you made friends with the Miya twins, I was so happy you were branching out and making more friends to keep you company. I didn’t think you’d get along that well with them!” Bokuto shouted, venting out all of his frustrations. “What is wrong with you?! Do you not know what an exclusive relationship is? It’s two people dating. That's it! Two!” He held up two fingers to further emphasize his point. “Did I miss the memo that we no longer were only dating each other?! Please my dear Keiji, tell me when we agreed to throw loyalty out the door! Tell me when we agreed that I didn’t matter!” He finished, his voice progressively getting louder after each sentence. 

“You do matter! You mean everything to me Kōtarō! Damnit I was just so dumb, I wasn’t thinking! You left and I didn’t know what to do with myself, you weren't supposed to leave till January!” Akaashi was now on his feet, shouting back at Bokuto. There was no way he would take all of this without defending himself, even if he was in the wrong. 

“Not only are you a cheater, you’re a liar too?! I don’t believe a word out of your mouth! You never not think, you constantly think 24/7 so what made the time you were cheating any different?! It wasn’t like it was my choice to leave either! You think I wanted to leave you and my family and my friends?! I worked my ass off to try and get to where I am today. I had to give up on my dream because of my fucking leg!” He pulled up his jeans slightly, the long scar on his shin disappearing behind his jeans. “And now that I finally find something I can actually do, I have to worry about my boyfriend hooking up with friends and pretty waitresses?!” Bokuto argued. He could only watch as Akaashi grew silent, his face now contorting into one of shame and guilt. 

“I thought so.” Bokuto huffed, wiping away the tears on his own cheeks. He didn’t feel pain at this moment, just pure anger and betrayal. “I should have listened to Kuroo, I shouldn’t have come here.” He said, balling his fists at his sides. “Rot in hell Keiji, you and all your so called ‘friends.’ I never want to see you again.” Bokuto said, turning his back and quickly slipping on his shoes. He could hear Keiji collapse behind him, probably falling to his knees to sob for a while. He just couldn’t find it in himself to turn back, he couldn’t face the person who shattered his heart twice in a matter of months again. 

Before he was out the door, he heard Keiji call out to him one last time. 

“Kōtarō please, I love you so much. Don’t leave.” 

Bokuto scoffed, fighting the tears that threatened to spill. “Why don’t you call Osamu or that waitress to come stay with you? I’m sure they’d love that.” He spat over his shoulder, slamming the door behind him and making a b-line to his car to avoid hearing or seeing anything that would convince him to stay. 

Once he was in the safety of his car, he lost it. Tears quickly fell down his face and he banged his hands roughly against the steering wheel. Shouts of agony were muffled by his, now most likely bruised, hands that went over his mouth tightly. He didn’t care that Akaashi had only gone so far as to kiss someone else while he was away. Even if they didn’t sleep together, it was still cheating. He still managed to completely destroy any amount of trust Bokuto had in him in a matter of seconds. There were so many beautiful people in America, he could have easily had his fun there, but he never even thought of that. Akaashi was more than enough for him and he wouldn't ever even think to risk his relationship over someone he didn’t love. Guess that was only his way of thinking. 

After a few minutes, Bokuto sped off, wanting to just be in the safety of his home away from the world. He just needed some time to himself to come to terms with this new anger and betrayal and pain in his heart. 

He hated to admit it, but Kuroo was right. He shouldn’t have come here at all, much less think they could fix things after one shitty explanation. At least he sort of got the closure he wanted. 

\--

During the month of June, just two weeks after his last conversation with Akaashi, Bokuto had been booked to finally play a concert. The company he was under finished construction and setting things up in their brand new Japanese branch so things were finally going to start picking up again. Once the building was done, Bokuto was in the studio for days on end, recording demos of his songs or trying to come up with something new. 

Unfortunately, his creativity was very low. He couldn’t think of any good songs to write that didn’t show the frustration or pain or betrayal he felt. He wanted to have new music by July, when his concert was scheduled for, but nothing came to mind. 

“Stop, stop!” His manager cut him off, stopping the background music to the song Bokuto was singing. “What’s with all the love songs? I know you don’t have many, but jeez Kōtarō-kun give me something different! You’ve been singing the same three songs for the past three hours!” He complained. 

Bokuto could only sigh and hang up his headphones, lightly holding his guitar close to him. “I know,” He spoke into the mic so he could be heard on the other side of the glass. “I don’t know, I guess I just like these songs.” He answered, shrugging his shoulders. 

His manager sighed and went into the recording booth to talk to him directly. “Listen, why don’t you head home? We’ve been here since 7am, it's already past 10. I’m tired, you’re tired, and desperately in need of new material. Give it a week and come back, I know you’re better than this. You don’t have to have a completed song but at least have an idea for one.” He directed, placing a comforting hand on the younger males shoulder. “I know it’s been tough lately, but don’t let it affect your music.” He said, sending Bokuto a stern look. 

Bokuto only nodded and sighed. “Alright, you’re right. I’m sorry, Manager-san. I’ll get better in no time.” He promised, doing his best to send him a smile. 

That was enough for the older male. “Good, I hope you do. Wait- I thought I told you to stop calling me ‘manager-san’! My name is Masaharu! Mas-a-har-u!” He playfully scolded, ruffling the younger males hair. 

Bokuto laughed, swatting his hands away. “Alright, alright! Thank you Mas-a-har-u!” He said, saying every syllable. 

Masaharu simply sighed and placed his hands on his hips. “Close enough. Now shoo, go home and don’t come back until you have something good for me!” He said, sending him a warm grin. 

The younger male nodded and gathered his things, making sure his guitar was securely put away before saying goodbye to his manager. 

Media had caught wind that he was in the recording studio today so when he had exited, he had to be escorted by security to the car that he had called. He would have used his personal car he used to get here, but he didn’t need his car to be recognized and followed whenever he went out. That happened more times than he would have liked to admit back in America. 

Fans and paparazzi were crowded around the studio exit, screaming his name and begging for pictures or autographs. He put on his biggest smile and stopped on his way to the car to smile for a few pictures and even accept a few gifts from his supporters. 

When he was outside the car, he turned and waved to everyone who was struggling to get past the security, telling them to be safe and not push each other before stepping into the back seat of the car that was going to take him home. 

When they drove off, a few fans chased after the car for a few paces, still screaming his name before stopping and watching the car disappear down the street. 

Bokuto sighed and settled into his seat and took a look at what he had received. A couple letters, a box of his favorite candy’s, and what looked like a handmade plush. A small smile found its way on his face, his chest filling up with warmth at the kind gestures from his fans. 

He placed the gifts in his personal bag and opened up his social media. Already, there were videos he was tagged in of him leaving the studio and posing with fans. Some of the pictures he was in were even posted already. He made sure to like and leave a nice comment on how cool it was to see everyone. He switched from twitter to instagram and just began scrolling down his feed. His blood ran cold when he saw a photo posted by Hinata Shōyō posing with a couple of his teammates, Sakusa Kiyoomi and Miya Atsumu. That wasn’t what shocked him. In the background, he could clearly make out the other Miya twin with his arm around what looked exactly like a blurred image of Akaashi. Actually, he was positive that it was Akaashi. He’d be able to spot him anywhere. 

Instantly, memories of Akaashi claiming that his cheating was a mistake and that they didn’t mean anything flashed through his mind. He clenched his jaw tightly, feeling hot tears pool in his eyes. 

No, he refused to cry. He refused to let this get to him anymore. Just because Akaashi clearly moved on didn’t mean Bokuto had to stay stuck in a rut of wondering why he wasn’t enough for him. God, he felt like punching something right now. 

During his angered haze, a brilliant idea came to his mind. He glanced at his guitar case right next to him and immediately a new cord came to his head. Maybe he would take his manager's advice, maybe he would try to write something new and different. Maybe he would stop avoiding what has been on his mind for weeks. 

A smirk found its way onto his face, an idea for a song that was different than his usual material forming in his mind. 

Bokuto opened up twitter and composed a tweet, making sure it was perfect before sending it out. 

“HEY HEY HEYYY!!! Expect some new music very soon~ ;)) I think it’ll be very… special.” 

Before sending it out, he snapped a quick picture of him with a big smile with his tongue out and his middle finger up, hinting at the theme of his song. 

Making sure everything looked perfect and making sure his picture looked good, he sent it out and closed out of the app. He could practically hear his timeline going off with theories and ideas of what his new song was going to be about. 

When he had gotten to his apartment, he got out of the car and gathered his things, humming the tune of the song that was starting to come together in his head. 

\--

A couple days later, Bokuto had invited Kuroo over to talk about his new song. He had invited Kenma as well, but he had said he had other plans and was busy so he wouldn’t be able to make it. 

Bokuto paused in cooking the food he was preparing on the stove after hearing a combination of his doorbell ringing and knocking at the door. He knew only one person who did this annoying form of announcing his arrival. 

Bokuto laughed to himself and set the cooking chopsticks he had in his hands down and went over to answer the door. 

“Bro!” Kuroo shouted when Bokuto finally opened the door, lifting his arms above his head. 

Bokuto Mimicked him, shouting back before embracing his best friend in a tight hug. 

“Dude, something smells amazing.” Kuroo said after letting go, walking in and slipping off the shoes he had on. 

Bokuto laughed again and made his way back to the kitchen to finish the food he was making. “I’m making dinner! It’s chicken katsudon.” He said, flipping the chicken fillet in the pan. 

Kuroo grinned and pulled down a couple of bowls from the cabinet, already knowing where everything was. “I haven’t had your cooking in forever, Bo. I miss it so much!” he said, heading over to see how long the rice had left to cook. 

Bokuto shot his best friend a grin, setting the last piece of chicken fillet to drain the oil off on a wire rack. “I know, I know. My cooking is just the best thing in the entire world, no big deal.” He said, flexing his biceps. 

Kuroo scoffed and leaned against the counter, handing him the eggs and vegetables so he could quickly cook those up. “Okay, you’re pretty good but your mom has you beat.” He said, laughing when Bokuto squawked in protest. “It’s true! She cooks good enough for the gods themselves.” The black haired male said, clasping his hands together with a dramatic tear pooling in the corner of his eye. 

Bokuto reached over and jabbed his shoulder before moving the onions around in the pan so they cooked evenly. “Shut up! She taught me how to cook so by default I am the best.” He argued, puffing his chest out proudly.

Kuroo rolled his eyes and walked over to get a knife to cut the chicken. It was about time to add in the egg so he figured he’d help out. He would argue it was just because he wanted to eat sooner, but he just kind of liked helping Bokuto in the kitchen. Not that he’d ever admit this outloud. 

Once the chicken was cut, Bokuto thanked him before adding it back to the pan and adding in the egg right after. 

After a few minutes, both had big steaming bowls in front of them. “Itadakimasu!!” They both shouted in unison, immediately digging in. 

Kuroo almost moaned at how good it was. It had been so long since he was able to enjoy home cooked food from his best friend, he almost forgot how to act. “Okay, this is pretty good Bo.” He said, trying not to inflate the other’s ego too much. 

“Good enough for the gods themselves?” Bokuto questioned, raising a sly eyebrow. 

Kuroo laughed over a mouthful of food. “Only if I count as one of those gods.” He said, both of them laughing together. 

After they had finished their meals, they had both gone into Bokuto’s practice room where he was setting up his guitar. 

“Alright,” Kuroo said, taking a seat on the comfy chair in the corner of the room while Bokuto set up his equipment to a reasonable volume to play Kuroo the demo he had come up with. “So tell me about this new song of yours. You posted this lovely image on twitter,” He flashed the screenshot of the tweet with Bokuto sticking his middle finger up. “And made everyone lose their shit pretty much. Oikawa and Sugawara sent this to the old setters group chat like 80 times, according to Kenma and Kageyama.” He said, putting his phone away. 

Bokuto only hummed and took a seat on one of the stools he had in there, propping his leg up a bit and letting his beautiful guitar rest in his lap. Currently, he has his Gibson electric guitar out, definitely one of his favorites. It was a gorgeous silver and white color and fit into his hands and lap perfectly. 

“Really? I did not expect them to freak out.” Bokuto said innocently, playing a few chords to tune. 

Kuroo wasn’t convinced. He crossed his arms and leaned back against the back of the chair. “Really now? Then tell me what the inspiration behind this song was, Bo-chan.” He said, a small smirk on his face. 

Bokuto chuckled a bit. “I’m only taking advice from my label. They wanted something new and I am simply honoring that desire.” He said, finishing up his tuning. 

“Please, never speak with big words like that again.” Kuroo said, a sigh leaving his lips. 

“Those aren’t even big words!” Bokuto pouted. 

“Too big for you.” Kuroo teased. 

Bokuto huffed and adjusted so he could play his demo. “Shut up jackass, just listen.” He said, taking a deep breath before beginning to sing and play. 

Kuroo listened and watched as his best friend got lost in his singing and playing, his eyes going wide for a bit. Just from the first few chords, he could definitely tell this was very different from what Bokuto usually put out. It was upbeat and still very on brand for him, but the message the lyrics were sending were not like any of his previous songs. The raw emotion he got just from listening to the less than a minute long demo he heard was enough to send shivers down his spine and get lost in the movement of his hands and sound of his voice. There were no other sounds other than Bokuto’s voice and guitar filling the sound proof room, completely shutting out the outside world. 

When Bokuto finished, he carried out the last note he sang, a far away look on his face. He was only brought back to reality when Kuroo spoke up. 

“I think I know what this song is about. Actually, who this song is about. It’s a really, really good song.” He breathed out. 

Bokuto smiled, glad that his best friend liked the song. Tears started to pool in his eyes, his breath catching in his throat. He set his guitar down on its stand and Kuroo was already on his feet catching Bokuto before he fell to his knees, loud sobs leaving him. 

Kuroo wrapped the other male in his arms, sitting with him on the floor while he cried into his chest. “I know Bo, it’s okay.” He said, rubbing his back and hair while continuing to mutter words of comfort to his best friend. He couldn’t even begin to imagine the pain Bokuto was in. He knew he deeply loved Akaashi and wanted nothing more than to grow old and spend his life with him. He felt his own heart break when he realized Bokuto had lost someone who was supposed to be his soulmate, his everything. Kuroo desperately wished there was something he could do to make Bokuto feel better and get rid of this entire mess, but he just couldn’t. All he could do is offer his support and shoulder to cry on for his best friend until time eventually healed him.

This was the first time Bokuto had put the words of the song together with what he had so far on his guitar. Everything just hit him all at once when he had actually begun singing, pouring his whole heart out in the form of an angry yet heartfelt song. He just couldn’t help the rush of emotions that hit him as he listened to himself sing every lyric and remember the specific reason he had written that lyric. He didn’t mean to break down in front of Kuroo, it just sort of happened.

By now, it was around 8pm so Kuroo just decided to stay the night. He had come here after getting off of work at 5:30 so he was pretty tired. Luckily, he had the day off tomorrow so he’d be able to rest and spend time with Bokuto. He didn’t bother asking if he could, he already knew what the answer would be just by looking at Bokuto still clinging on to him now quietly crying. 

“Come on Bo, let’s go watch a movie or something.” The black haired male said, helping his best friend on his feet. Bokuto only nodded and let himself be guided to the living room. 

When they were on the couch, Kuroo draped a gray fuzzy blanket that was folded on the back of the couch over the both of them and fired up Netflix. He put on a mutual favorite of theirs, getting comfortable with Bokuto still leaning against him. 

After the movie ended, Kuroo had gotten up to go change into something more comfortable that wasn’t his work clothes. Bokuto had offered him clothes, saying he could take anything that had fit. Kuroo was a little taller than Bokuto, but Bokuto was more bulky so the t-shirt and basketball shorts he grabbed fit him pretty decently. He did have to tie the shorts though, his hips weren’t as big as Bokuto’s.

After he had changed, they continued watching movies until they both drifted off, the quiet noise from the movie they left playing lulling them into a light sleep. 

\--

Two weeks had passed since Bokuto had shown Kuroo his demo and since then he had been working pretty much non stop trying to get everything perfect. He was back to spending many many hours a week in the studio, playing with vocals and trying to work on including other instruments that wasn’t only his guitar. He still had about two weeks until his concert and was feeling really good about everything. He had the new song he was going to release plus a few others that weren’t new but it was stuff his audience had never heard before. He was really excited to perform. During those two weeks leading up to the concert, he had many promotional shoots and interviews, doing his best to fit everything into his schedule. He had done about three photo shoots a week, being featured in multiple magazines and even being put up on a billboard in some cities near where he was playing to promote his concert coming up in Tokyo. 

He had to admit, these photographers really knew what they were doing. He looked really cool in all of the magazine covers and billboards he was featured on. 

The day before the concert, Bokuto was full of nerves. Normally, he would be excited to be up on stage with the roar of the crowd cheering for him and screaming his name, but he was so worried some people would hate the new stuff he was releasing. He wanted this new album to stand out since everything he had put out in previous years had fallen under the alternative happy and upbeat side. He wanted to introduce something that wasn’t the opposite, but just different enough to get him a smooth transition in case he decided to release some heavier stuff later down the line. 

“Kōtarō-kun, stop biting your nails!” Masaharu scolded, swatting his hands away from his mouth. 

Currently, they were in a van on the way to the venue for a full dress rehearsal of the concert. Bokuto was still very nervous and it was showing. “Sorry, Masaharu-san.” He mumbled, awkwardly looking away. 

Masaharu sighed, knowing the boy was insecure and nervous. “No manager-san today? Have you finally learned my name?” He asked, nudging Bokuto’s side. The other let out a small laugh, feeling a little calmer with his manager so at ease. 

“Look, Kōtarō-kun. You’ll do great. You’ve played flawlessly in front of people hundreds of times and now you can play in front of your friends and family! In your hometown no less! Isn’t that great?” Masaharu asked, sending him a warm grin. 

Bokuto took a deep breath and straightened his back. Yes, he was nervous performing new music for the first time but he was so excited. Kuroo, his family, and his recording team had loved the demo so he really shouldn’t be worried. At the end of the day, he just was looking to make the people he loved happy and he already knew he was taking a step in the right direction. “You’re right, Manager-san. I’m gonna be super awesome tomorrow!” Bokuto cheered, his signature grin returning to his face. 

Masaharu sighed contently, matching his smile. He had no doubt Bokuto would do amazing. He was so glad he was finally at least looking like he was starting to come out of the rut he had found himself in. 

\-- 

The dress rehearsal had gone perfectly. The only errors that anyone had found were lighting issues but they would be resolved by tomorrow morning. Overall, everyone was feeling really good about tomorrow’s concert. Since it was his first one since being back home, Bokuto decided to perform alone with just his guitar. He had pre-recorded any extra instrumentals that would be needed ahead of time so everything was pretty much ready to go. He usually only stuck to the guitar, but he did know how to play base and a little bit of the drums so he actually recorded it all himself, all his record label had to do was help him put it together. 

Bokuto didn’t go home after his dress rehearsal, instead he went to his family home to visit his mother and sisters. 

“Kōtarō! Hey sweetheart.” Aya, Kōtarō’s mom greeted him when she opened the door, making him lean down a bit so she could kiss his cheek. He greeted his mom and went inside. He had actually showed up in the middle of dinner so his mother insisted he get a plate to eat now and one to take back to his apartment. 

“So, what brings you here Kō-chan?” Kumiko asked, tilting her head. Not that she wasn’t happy he was here, she was just curious. 

“Ah, I actually had a favor to ask you and Koko-chan.” Kōtarō said, scratching the back of his neck. Kokomi immediately perked up, choking a bit on the piece of beef she had in her mouth. 

“Our help? What for?” Kumiko asked, slapping her older sisters back until she coughed up the food stuck in her throat. 

“Kokomi-chan!” Aya lightly scolded, sending her a playful look of disgust when the slimy piece of food landed on the table. 

Kōtarō laughed before deciding to just ask. “Can you paint my nails? I want them to match the wardrobe for tomorrow’s concert. Plus uh, they don’t look so good.” He asked, sending them a bright smile while showing his chewed up and uneven nails. Kōtarō was no stranger to painted or manicured nails, he just couldn’t do it himself. He had got them painted a lot when he was younger from his sisters and a few times when he was overseas so he quite liked it. Plus, his fans seemed to go crazy whenever he did. Whenever he had been dissed on it, his response had always remained the same. 

“What’s so wrong with me getting a manicure? It has ‘man’ in the name and I’m a man! Just with pretty nails.” 

Both of his sisters quickly agreed, rushing him to finish his food while they did the same. After they had finished and helped out with the dishes, they went up the stairs into Kokomi’s bedroom where she pulled out a small basket filled with nail care things and polish. 

“Give me your hands, Kōtarō-chan! What colors did you have in mind?” Kokomi asked, beginning to file all his nails down into an even shape. 

“Uhm, probably just black. Maybe like one white nail, the wardrobe for tomorrow is mostly black.” Kōtarō said, watching his older sister work on his hands. Despite having witnessed them do his nails hundreds of times, and even accompanying them to nail salons a handful of times, he still had no idea how to take care of his nails without getting polish everywhere or cutting his fingers. 

Kumiko leaned over, shoving her hands in her baby brother's face. “Like mine but opposite!” She said. Her nails were all white except for both of her ring fingers which were painted black. 

Kōtarō blinked and grinned, nodding his head enthusiastically. “Exactly like that!” He said. Kumiko nodded and grabbed the hand that Kokomi had just finished filing and cutting the cuticle off of. “Okay! I’ll paint your left, Koko-chan can do your right!” She said, shaking the black bottle in her hands before beginning to paint. 

Kokomi huffed, trimming down the last cuticle on his right hand. “I see how it is. You want me to clean up both hands and paint while you just paint.” She said, light amusement in her tone. 

Kumiko nodded, taking special care to just paint Kōtarō’s nails and not his fingers. “Precisely!”

Kokomi laughed and began to paint Kōtarō’s right hand, starting with white on the middle finger since she only had one black polish that Kumiko was currently using. She could have easily taken the one in her sister’s room, but she didn’t feel like going down the hall. “Damn airhead.” She said, shaking her head fondly. 

When they had finished, Kōtarō began waving his freshly painted nails around to speed along the drying process. While painting, Kokomi decided to paint her nails just like how Kumiko’s were so they would all be matching for the concert tomorrow. 

“It’s just like when we were kids! Koko-chan, remember what a nightmare it was to paint Kō-chan’s nails for the first time? I think I still have the scratches.” Kumiko said, a fond smile on her face at the memory. 

Kōtarō flushed, still feeling bad about the incident. Granted, he was only like five and all he wanted to do at that age was play outside with the neighbors dog. “I said I was sorry!” He said, a pout now on his face. 

“Nobody is mad at you, Kōtarō-chan!” Kokomi said, slapping him on the back. He grunted, not expecting to be hit that hard. She was a star athlete though, he probably should have seen that coming. “I thought it was hilarious when you kicked the airhead over there in the face.” She had a sly smirk on her face. 

“Eh? What about when you almost ripped shorty’s hair out? The amount you did manage to pull out was enough to make a wig though.” Kumiko challenged. 

“I am not short!” 

“Are too!”

“Am not!” 

“Shut up, 160 centimeters!”

“No way, smooth brain!” 

Kōtarō couldn’t help but laugh when his sisters began arguing then wrestling on the floor. They may have been older, but they never really grew out of their sibling rivalry. He wouldn’t have it any other way though, he really loved his family more than anything. 

Eventually, they both gave up their petty little debacle and sat on either side of their brother. 

“Oi! Let’s take a photo, I want to post it on my twitter.” Kōtarō said, pulling out his phone. He had to wait for Kokomi to fix her long lopsided ponytail and for Kumiko to fix her short black hair since it looked pretty bad after rolling around on the floor. When they were done with that, Kōtarō held up his phone and snapped a couple pictures until he had got one he and his sisters approved of. 

Kōtarō sat in the middle with his tongue out and his middle finger up, flashing his one white nail. Kumiko sat on his left, her nose scrunched up sporting a matching grin to her brother. Kokomi simply put up two fingers in a peace sign, a soft smile on her face. Kōtarō posted the photo on both his twitter and instagram with a simple “Hey! Hey!! Hey!!!” and tagged his sister’s in the post’s he made. The exclamation marks were very important, according to Kumiko. Kōtarō had always asked to make sure someone was okay being seen on his social media due to his large follower count. His family, especially his sisters, were more than okay with it so they were in a large number of the posts he made whether it was an old throwback photo or something just to wish them a happy birthday. His fans definitely loved it. 

After a while of goofing around and replying to some comments, Kōtarō finally decided to leave back to his own apartment. He had to be at the venue tomorrow by 11am for another quick runthrough and check of everything before the concert at 6pm. It was a very long time, but he was performing completely alone so everything had to be perfect since no one would be there on stage with him to fall back on. He didn’t mind though, the dressing rooms in this venue were pretty big so he’d be able to take a nap before the concert if he wanted. 

Before he had left, his sister’s had given him some simple silver rings and a matching chain necklace to wear tomorrow to “spice things up.” Granted, it wasn’t his usual style, but he didn’t mind the extra jewelry. Growing up with only women, he never was one to shy away from traditionally femine things just because they were femine. If he liked it, he liked it. 

When Kōtarō had gone to sleep that night, he finally managed to fall into a peaceful sleep. For weeks, he had been suffering bad dreams of catching Akaashi in the act, replaying bad memories of their last conversation, dreams of things being different, just- anything that had to do with Akaashi, he would dream about it whether it was good or bad. He still terribly missed him, but he just couldn’t get over getting cheated on multiple times. Plus, he had to ask before he had been told about the second time? First? The situation hurt his brain to think about. Kōtarō just couldn’t get past that. Soon, after tossing and turning for a bit, the silver haired male fell into a peaceful dreamless sleep. 

\--

The next morning, Kōtarō woke up bright and early to get ready. He only had to shower and clean his apartment before taking off. He already had his bag for the day packed with an extra change of clothes for after the concert ready to go so all he had to do was change into something comfortable for now and worry about the rest later. His wardrobe was already at the venue as well as any equipment he would need. 

The car wasn’t scheduled to pick him up for another 30 minutes so he had time to make some coffee. His manager had texted him saying that breakfast was going to be catered so he didn’t need to worry about food. Unfortunately, all he had left was salted caramel coffee creamer. He couldn’t even look at it without the image of Akaashi nervously biting his lip filling his mind. 

Kōtarō sighed and stared down at the hot black coffee on his counter, deciding to just use milk and sugar instead of actual creamer. It didn’t taste as good since he could never get the amount of sugar right, but it was better than a bad memory ruining his day before it even began. Soon enough, the car with his manager and security guards had showed up. Kōtarō quickly grabbed his duffle bag and made sure he had the jewelry his sisters gave him before leaving and locking his apartment. 

Today was going to be a great day, nothing would ruin that. Not bad memories, and certainly not the salted caramel creamer sitting in his trash bin. 

\--

At 4pm, just two hours till the concert, Kōtarō’s family and friends had come to visit him in his dressing room. He had given out tickets to his family, Kuroo, Kenma, Tsukishima, and Lev. He had given his friends an extra incase they wanted to bring someone else as well. He invited a couple others, but the MSBY Black Jackals and Schewden Addlers were having a game tonight so some people were going there instead. Plus, some of his other friends were either busy or traveling with their own teams as well. Tsukishima ended up bringing Yamaguchi and Lev ended up bringing his older sister and Yaku. Kuroo had given him his extra ticket. 

Only Kuroo and Kōtarō’s family came to visit his dressing room though, everyone else was either not in town yet or just hadn’t showed up. 

When the four of them walked in together, Kōtarō was dressed in a simple fitted white t-shirt tucked into some ripped black jeans with a black belt that had silver eyelets all around it. He had on the necklace and rings his sister’s gave him, making his hands and painted nails look really nice. Paired with this, he wore suede chelsea boots from the brand Floyd. He was currently in the middle of getting his stage makeup and hair done, just some light eyeliner smudged on his upper and lower waterline to bring out his intense golden eye color. The hair stylist was just brushing his hair back and out of his face, leaving the side bits down to frame his face shape. Minimal products were always a must with Bokuto since he ended up sweating the majority of it off anyway. The only exception was when he did his signature owl horned hairstyle. Somehow, that had never flattened during a performance. 

They all greeted him, taking a seat on the couches along the wall while they waited for him to get done. 

Kuroo wolf whistled playfully, a grin on his face. “Damn, Bo! You clean up nicely bro.” He may have sounded sly, but he meant it. He really did think Bokuto looked good. 

Bokuto laughed and tried his best not to move so much while the makeup artist had a brush to his eye. “You don’t look so bad yourself, Kubro.” He said, sending him a matching grin. 

Kuroo laughed and leaned back a bit on the couch he was sat on. 

“Kōtarō, are you ready for tonight?” Aya asked, a fond smile at the two boys’ antics. She had met Kuroo a while ago back when the two were still in high school and was happy Kōtarō had made a friend who was just as goofy as he was. 

“Of course! I’m so excited for you all to hear the new songs. Your tickets are all for row 1-B right? That should be the area in front of the barricades by where the security guards are.” Kōtarō replied, tilting his head so the makeup artist could smudge out his other eye. 

“Yup! Didn’t you get your friends different tickets though?” Aya asked. 

Kōtarō hummed to confirm what she said. “Yeah, I could only get so many tickets in one area since they all sold out pretty quick. I had to get Kuroo’s and everyone else’s tickets by where the stage extends out into the crowd, I think that’s 13-F. There’s no barricades there so I think it’s kinda far from where you three will be.” He said, facing forward so the artist could fix any fallout or wayward brush strokes. 

“Aw, what a shame! I thought for sure we would be closer to each other than that.” Kokomi huffed. She and Kumiko were looking forward to talking with Alisa and some of Kōtarō’s old friends. 

“We should be grateful we even got tickets! I’m so happy to see my son play again.” Aya said, a warm smile on her face. 

They continued talking until Kōtarō’s manager came in saying they were about to open the doors to the public. The guests in the room were offered a security escort to their area, leaving Bokuto alone in his dressing room to get his ear piece on and guitar tuned. Everyone he had given tickets to had backstage clearance, so they promised that they would come back with everyone who wasn’t here after the concert ended. 

With just five minutes left before showtime, Bokuto took a moment to himself. He had on a solid black jacket over his white shirt with his guitar strap placed securely and comfortably over his shoulder. He still had a Gibson guitar but it was solid black with white accents instead of silver. 

He was just behind the stage, he could hear the large crowd screaming and cheering and shouting his name. Kōtarō could feel the blood beginning to pump faster and faster in his veins. 

“30 seconds.” A stage hand called, the bright lights in the venue going completely dark, causing a moment of silence before it picked up again. 

Masaharu slapped Bokuto’s back, “Kick some ass out there!” He said, giving the younger male a grin. Bokuto grinned back, flashing his pearly white teeth before dashing out to where he memorized center stage being. With the loud roar of the crowd, nobody noticed him coming out until the lights were on and he was placed dead center of the huge venue. 

\--

The crowd was going crazy, just screaming Bokuto’s name over and over while he looked over the sea of people, his smile never leaving his face. He stepped up closer to the microphone, the neck of his guitar in one hand while he gripped the mic stand with the other. 

“Hey hey hey Tokyo!!!” The silver haired male screamed into the mic, getting even louder shouts in response. “Ah! I’m so happy to be home, thank you all for coming out tonight!!” He shouted, hearing the count down in his earpiece for the first song of his set. 

He took a step back, his hands playing almost perfectly the intro to the first song. 

He played for a few measures before stepping back up and beginning to sing, his face being projected on the many jumbo screens behind him so people in the crowd could see his close up. 

The background music blended perfectly with Kōtarō’s vocals and guitar, making everyone in the crowd get up on their feet. 

This song was in Japanese and the story behind it was one of learning. This song was very fast and energetic, much like he himself was. This was one of the newer songs he hadn’t yet released but he was really excited about this one. He had written this one shortly after arriving in the US mostly as a comfort to himself that he was exactly where he was supposed to be, kinda as a reminder that life was crazy and that he didn’t care where he ended up just so long as he was having fun. 

After the first song, Bokuto took a step back to examine the crowd, taking a few seconds to catch his breath before diving into the second song, also in Japanese, and the third song, which was English. He had talked and made the crowd laugh between songs, something he always enjoyed doing since it had always made him feel more connected with his audience. So far, everyone was giving the same amount of love to his newer songs just like they did any of his older ones he had sung, if not more, judging by their reactions. Halfway through his set, about an hour or so in, he had taken off his jacket and rolled the sleeves up on his white t-shirt, showing off his nicely toned biceps and hiding his sweat stains. He immediately heard high pitched screams and lots of fans screaming even louder than ever. With a sly grin, he had thrown it as far as he could into the crowd, watching as it got swallowed by the people, happily waving to the person who had caught it. 

With this new song, he was slightly more nervous since it was a love song but it wasn’t a slow sappy love song, it was still fast and upbeat, just pretty bass heavy which wasn’t his usual style. Plus, he had written this when he was still oblivious to Akaashi’s behavior, so of course it stung a little to perform. His label was just pushy enough to convince him to perform it and change it up very little if necessary. He decided against it, deciding that if by some miracle, the old Akaashi would hear it, the Akaashi that was loyal since he was the one who deserved it. The title of it was “Gunmetal Blue” and he immediately dived into it, listening to the heavy bass intro before he began to sing. The first half of the song was entirely bass and drums, so Kōtarō sang passionately, his face contorting for every high note as he gripped the mic and rocked it’s stand back and forth. 

This song was written with the classic highschool sweetheart trope in mind. He sang about seeing pretty gunmetal blue eyes in the halls and falling in love, he sang about a pretty face smiling for him and only him, he sang about everything Akaashi was to him before everything went to hell. God how he wished things could just go back to normal. He had gotten so lost in that song, he almost forgot to come in with the supporting melody with his guitar. Luckily, he didn’t miss it. He finished the song holding out the last note for as long as he could, finally stopping when his lungs had completely emptied and the instrumentals stopped.

His breathing was rough as he paused for a second to let the screams from the crowd drown out his sorrow. He smiled through clenched teeth, the strain in his face was clear to anyone who knew him but to everyone else it was a bittersweet smile that held nothing behind it other than the words of the song. 

“God, I miss you.” Kōtarō mumbled into the mic, still a little out of breath. It was true, he still missed Akaashi yet he couldn’t ever trust him again. He couldn’t be in a relationship with no trust, he refused to put himself through that much pain. Then again, he did promise Akaashi that he would be there, no matter what. Why did things have to be so difficult for him?

Kōtarō let out a laugh, throwing his head back as he plucked the mic from its stand to walk around the stage now. He had one song left before the final song of his set. A stage hand had quickly run out to reposition the mic stand on the extended part of the stage while Kōtarō walked and addressed the crowd. 

“I just want to thank everyone once again for coming out!” He shouted, downing some water from a bottle he had towards the back of the stage. 

“Each and everyone of you guys out there mean so much to me, especially all of my family and friends out in the crowd tonight. I’m so grateful to have an opportunity to share what I love with all of you, and I especially want to thank you so much for all the love on these new songs! The album drops tonight at midnight, don’t forget to stream it!” Kōtarō said, making his way over to where the stage extended out, leaning down to touch the hands of the fans that reached out and screamed for him now that he was away from the barricaded area. 

“I have two more songs for you guys tonight,” The crowd immediately booed, causing Kōtarō to laugh a bit before calming them down. “I know I know, trust me if I could play forever I would!” He had finally made it to the mic stand, fitting it back on and taking his guitar in his hands. “So let’s make these last songs count, everyone on your feet!” He shouted before starting up a fast guitar solo. 

He began singing with more passion than before, happy to see everyone dancing around and jumping with him to the beat of the music. 

God, he really wished he could be here forever. The deafening screams of the crowd, the adrenaline in his veins, the high he felt whenever he played and made people happy, he just couldn’t get enough. It was enough to make him forget all the sorrows in his life, it was enough to make him forget that he hasn’t been his usual self lately, it made him forget what a fake smile was when he stood before a crowd of hundreds- no, thousands of people who loved him and supported his career. He knew his family and closest friends were somewhere in the crowd and that only made him want to play better and louder than he ever had before, so that’s exactly what he did. 

When the song ended, Kōtarō was breathless and high on playing. He announced the final song, deciding to add a little bit of an intro to this one. He hadn’t planned to say anything other than what he had before this recent song, but it just felt right. Besides, in a way, this last song was a big fuck you to being treated like shit for so long and his goodbye to that. 

“This last song was written with a very special person in mind. This person is still special to me, they will always be special, I swear on literally everything that that will never change.” He started, his jaw clenching a little. Oh, if only he could see Kuroo or his other friends. He’d feel so much better. He knew they were in this area somewhere, he would try to find them during the song. “And to that person, I just want to say, Fuck You and All Your Friends!!!” He screamed, throwing his head back while the crowd screamed. 

A few seconds later, he took a big breath into the microphone and began singing and playing. 

This will be the last time I ever sing

About a person that I’d rather not name 

After this song, Akaashi would never be the product of another one of his songs again. He would still sing the songs he had written in the past, but after tonight, he hoped that he would be able to forget the meaning of them so he wouldn’t feel the pain in his chest every time they played or he sung them. 

You think you’re so goddamn cool

Everybody thinks you’re a fucking fool

He was practically spitting the lyrics into the mic, his eyebrows furrowed close together as he thought back to the instagram post he had seen that Hinata had posted and every other photo he had seen after that. He had the audacity to be caught smiling and even look like he was laughing with that Miya Osamu knowing he was part of the reason Akaashi cheated. The majority of it fell on Akaashi though, he knew what he was doing. No one with half a brain would willingly cheat on someone they truly loved. Kōtarō just wished he could have known he wasn’t loved in the way he loved Akaashi before devoting so much time, energy, and emotion into the man.

Crash and burn on a car ride home

It would be a lot better if I slit your throat 

And die for me! 

Die for me! 

Why don’t you? 

He didn’t want Akaashi to die, never in a million years, he had only written that part to show his utter frustration and need to just hit something with his car when he had realized he had been dumb enough to think that the entire time he was away, Akaashi had loved him and only him. Even now as he sang, he sang with more passion than before, his hair a mess all over the place as he poured his heart and soul into this final song. 

I will sing this song

And know I’m better off without you! 

I’m done with you for good! 

This was another thing. Despite being quick to forgive him after only hearing about the first incident, he just couldn’t have the same response knowing that there had been an instance before hand that had happened multiple times, with a guy who knew he was already in a long term relationship. Kōtarō may not have been the smartest man to ever exist, but he just couldn’t find the logic in that or how anything about that was okay. Plus, he had to ask if there had been anyone else, how long had Akaashi planned to keep that from him had he not asked? Thank god Kuroo gave pretty good advice whenever the situation called for it. 

We were always like a time bomb ticking

And you’re so hollywood 

After living in Los Angeles for so long, Kōtarō quickly learned that some people just weren’t meant for relationships. People would either be constant cheaters or just wouldn’t value their partner enough and end up losing their relationship. In his line of work, a lot of the people he worked with only got into relationships for fame or money, so it was no wonder they never worked out. It wasn’t like Akaashi used him for money or fame, he just lied and cheated, something he had witnessed far too much of while overseas. Oh what a fool he was to think that he was safe from that. 

You’re always searching for the next best thing

And it’s for the better 

So I guess couples don’t last forever! 

If Miya Osamu was what Akaashi wanted, then he could have him. Kōtarō hadn’t given Akaashi a reason to cheat except be overseas accomplishing a dream that Akaashi pushed him to do and supported him in. If he had wanted and simply asked, Kōtarō would have done everything in his power to drop everything to come and see Akaashi as soon as he could.

I taught you all about breaking hearts

I didn’t know that you would take it that far

I never thought after all these years 

I would be the one that made you disappear! 

Kōtarō’s close up was portrayed on the jumbo screens as he practically yelled these next lyrics, his face showing the utter pain he felt in his heart for a split second. The audience was able to see each and every way his face contorted up at the lyrics and how his hair moved messily on his head and occasionally getting in his eyes until he threw his head back again. It was true, he had told Akaashi all about his experiences in the heartbreak department. He told him about getting left behind by his middle school team, he opened up when his mental health got bad, he trusted him and confided in him when his dad had passed away in his second year of high school, he was there for him when Kōtarō was unable to do what he loved anymore due to his injury, the list could go on. The point was, after meeting Akaashi, he had always been there in his darkest and brightest moments. He never expected him to be the one causing him heartbreak one day.

And die for me

Die for me! 

Why don’t you? 

I will sing this song

And know I’m better off without you

I’m done with you for good

We were always like a time bomb ticking 

And you’re so hollywood

You’re always searching for the next best thing

And it’s for the better 

So I guess couples don’t last forever! 

The song slowed down, giving Kōtarō a chance to breath and relax his facial muscles. It also gave him a chance to scan the crowd and find Kuroo and his friends who he knew were around here somewhere. He could clearly see the faces of the people right up front, reaching for his legs to try and at least touch him. 

La la la, la la la 

La la la, la la la (Fuck you and all your friends) 

His eyes roamed, examining everyone looking for familiar faces as he sang and played his guitar, his hair beginning to fall in his eyes again. 

La la la, la la la 

La la la, la la la (Fuck you and all your friends) 

Kuroo! There he was. Kōtarō immediately grinned and made eye contact with his best friend as he continued the rest of his song, he was only a few rows back standing close by everyone else who were screaming and looking like they were having a good time, even Tsukishima had ditched his usual stiff face and was smiling pretty widely. He could clearly see Lev, Tsukishima, Alisa and Yamaguchi since they were taller, even Yaku since he was holding onto Lev’s shoulder and waving his arms around, but he hadn’t spotted Kenma and whoever else he had brought yet. 

La la la, la la la

After searching a bit more further back, he finally located Kenma and his smile widened. It however didn’t last long when he had noticed who was standing next to him. His blood ran cold and his face started to morph into one of frustration, hell probably even anger as he continued singing. 

La la la, la la la(Fuck you and all your friends) 

His face now showed complete anger as the beat picked up and he screamed out the lyrics, this time now aiming it directly at a very specific person even though he no longer had his eyes in that area.

La la la, la la la 

La la la, la la la (FUCK YOU AND ALL YOUR FRIENDS) 

The backing vocals continued as he screamed his heart out. He wasn’t sure if this was regular screaming anymore, his voice was raspy as he screamed, almost sounding like the screamo music he liked to occasionally listen to. 

La la la, la la la

La la la, la la la (FUCK YOU AND ALL YOUR FRIENDS) 

At this point he was glad his hair was basically covering his eyes. They were tightly screwed shut, but he was sure that as soon as he opened them, a replay of what happened the night he showed Kuroo the demo to this song would play. This time, no one was there next to him to comfort him if he broke down on stage.

La la la, la la la

La la la, la la la (FUCK YOU AND ALL YOUR FRIENDS) 

His throat ached, begging for him to stop the screaming since he was already tired from singing all night but he just couldn’t, these were his raw feelings he was putting on display for everyone to see. He didn’t care if he looked pathetic, he didn’t care if social media tore him to shreds for this. He poured his heart and soul into Akaashi and got let down in the end. He could do the same to music and always have a cushion to fall back on, he could always rely on this since music would remain a constant in his life until his death at 130 years old like he had promised. 

La la la, la la la

La la la, la la la(FUCK YOU AND ALL YOUR FRIENDS) 

In his head, Kōtarō prayed to any god that would listen that Akaashi understood the message he was trying to say. His eyes remained tightly closed still, he could see the stars as he continued to scream his heart out with the backing vocals. “Do you hear me Akaashi? I wish I could hate you with every part of me, but I can’t. You screwed up, but I can’t find it in myself to hate you forever. I love you with all my heart, I wish I didn’t have to let you go. It’ll be better this way, I hope Miya Osamu can make you happier than I ever could, I hope he loves you more than I was able to.” 

La la la, la la la

La la la, la la la(Fuck you and ALL YOUR FRIENDS) 

I’m done with you for good!

Kōtarō let the backing vocals play alone for a second as he took a quick breath into his aching throat, determined to see this song to the end. He did his best, trying to remember all of his vocal training and how to control his voice. He knew he looked like a mess, his hair was a fluffy mess basically covering up his red glossy eyes, his fingers were raw and sore since he had lost his guitar pic and had forgotten extras and he was sweating like crazy. However, to everyone watching, especially to his friends that were only about 10ft away from him, he looked breathtaking. He was pouring his heart out in such a raw form, Kuroo almost felt like crying thinking back to when he had first heard the demo. Everyone was still screaming and cheering for him, but now it was more in a supportive way rather than the carefree fun way they were beforehand.

We were always like a time bomb ticking 

And you're so Hollywood! 

You’re always searching for the next best thing 

And it's for the better

So I guess couples DON’T LAST FOREVER 

Kōtarō didn’t care how strained his voice was. He didn’t care how tired he was, he continued to scream the lyrics out as they progressed, and he would continue to do so until either the end of the song or until his voice physically gave out on him. Hell, if anything, it would be interesting to see what came first. At least this was the final song of the set.

I’m done with you for good 

We were always like a time bomb ticking 

And you’re so Hollywood

You’re always searching for the next best thing 

And it’s for the better

So I guess couples don’t last forever! 

Kōtarō finished his song and threw his head back, letting his sore arms fall limp at his side. His breathing was ragged and he was having trouble seeing through the tears that pooled in his eyes. He let no tears fall though, slumping forward and gripping the mic stand to lean on. The roars of the crowd almost didn’t register as he finally lifted his head, his golden eyes scanning over the crowd that was going even more wild than before despite being so late in the concert. His eyes found their way back to where his friends were, watching as Kuroo pulled Tsukishima, Yaku and Kenma close as he screamed something Bokuto couldn't quite make out. Lev, Yamaguchi, and Alisa all looked very high on adrenaline, jumping around and presumably screaming his name and waving their arms around. Kōtarō stood up straight again, his eyes going to where Akaashi was standing, looking like he was close to tears. He and Bokuto just stared at each other for a few seconds, neither of them willing to break eye contact. Finally, Kōtarō was the first to break it, turning away and coming to the mic when he had seen a tear roll down Akaashi’s pretty face. He just couldn't bear to see him cry, it hurt his heart too much. “I’m sorry Akaashi, I really am.” He kept repeating that to himself mentally as he took a breath, finally ready to speak. 

“I hope you enjoyed the show! Have an amazing night everyone, goodnight!” Kōtarō shouted, his voice sounding more raspy and scratchy than usual. It honestly hurt to even speak but he had to say goodbye and eventually face his friends in the dressing room and ask them why on earth they had let Akaashi tag along, specifically Kenma. He wasn’t angry though, just curious and maybe even a little hurt. 

\--

When Bokuto arrived in the hall his dressing room was in, he met up with his manager and team of security guards. Since the concert had just ended, it would be at least 10 minutes until everyone came back to see him. He could feel his heart in his throat realizing he might have to possibly face Akaashi.

“Kōtarō-kun, you did amazing out there! Is your voice okay? I didn’t think you’d start screaming like that. It sounded good! Just unexpected.” Masaharu said, handing him a cold water bottle. 

Kōtarō immediately downed it, his raw throat begging for some relief. “Yes, I’m okay,” He said, his voice still raspy. “I had so much fun tonight.” He said, sending his manager a bright grin. It was true, he felt amazing being able to get back on stage in his hometown, he could still feel the adrenaline shooting through his veins. He was almost positive that as soon as it wore off, he would be a mess. 

“I think I need a few minutes though. Thank you so much for everything.” Kōtarō said, sending his manager one last smile before heading in the direction of his personal dressing room, his two security guards following close behind. 

Masaharu nodded, watching him leave. “Alright, I’m going to the merch tables, call me when you’re ready to leave.” He said to his retreating back, letting the man have his space. 

When he got to the door, Kōtarō turned to his guards. “Don’t let anyone in for the next 20 or 30 minutes. There’s another room down the hall if they want to wait.” He said, closing the door behind him. The guards simply nodded and stood on either side of the door, making sure no one came in.

When Kōtarō had gotten into his room, he put his guitar away and slumped down in the space between where the vanity and wall were. It was a little snug for his broad shoulders, but he didn’t mind. He used to do this in highschool since it made him feel safe and away from anything that made him hurt. God, he felt so stupid. He felt like he was back in his emo mode days and was unable to bring himself back out of it. 

Kōtarō shook his head and leaned it against the cool wood of the vanity. He was a grown adult with a successful career and loving friends, family, and fans. What more could he want in life? 

Akaashi…

With a sigh, he stood up and looked in the mirror. Just like he had thought, his eyeliner had smudged a little ways down his cheek and his hair was stuck to his face with sweat. He picked up a cotton ball and soaked it in the makeup remover he had on the vanity, removing the smeared eyeliner off his cheeks and under eyes. Some still remained in his waterline, but he would just get it off when he washed his face later. He pushed his hair back off his face and took a second to really look at himself. Just like he had thought, his eyes were a little bloodshot and dull. He was tired, but with this being such an emotional concert, he just felt more drained than he usually would after a normal performance. His adrenaline had worn off by now and the longer he looked at himself, the more tears started to build up. He watched himself in the mirror as his lip trembled and tears finally spilled, biting his lip to hold in any noises he would make. 

He was right, as soon as he had even a couple minutes to himself, he broke down. He sank to his knees and just sat there for a while, silent tears falling down his flushed cheeks. He hated how easy it was for something as silly as performing a song could bring him to tears, he hated how sensitive he was when it came to those he loved. He didn’t know how long he had been on the floor wallowing in his own pity but he had snapped out his daze when he heard familiar voices on the other side of the door. He could recognize Lev, Kuroo, His mother and Kumiko speaking. He felt relief course through him when his security guard had told him that nobody could go in for another 10 minutes or so. 

Kōtarō took a deep breath and stood up. Great, now not only were his eyes more bloodshot, but they were kinda puffy and he had a bright pink flush dusting his cheeks. Embarrassing. 

He didn’t have any ice on hand to make his face less puffy, just some cold water in the mini fridge in the corner of the room. Better than nothing. Walking over, he picked two cold bottles out of the fridge and placed them on his warm face, immediately feeling relief at the cool sensation. He stood like that for a few minutes before walking over and taking a seat on the couch, leaning back comfortably and resting his head on the back of it. 

He felt bad keeping his family and friends waiting while he sat here doing nothing so, with hesitance, he stood up and walked over to the door where he could still hear voices talking loudly and energetically. Well, at least if he was distracted by good energy, he would have less time to focus on his own bad energy. 

He opened the door, his guards immediately turning to look at him. He just waved his hand a bit, giving them a smile. “Thanks guys, they can come in.” Kōtarō said. 

Right when the guards moved, he didn’t even have time to look at who was in the hall before a mop of black hair was grabbing him in a bone crushing hug, knocking him off balance since he didn’t have enough energy to hold himself up. Kuroo had his arms tightly around Kōtarō as he basically laid on him, his full weight shamelessly on his best friend. “Bokuto you son of a bitch, you did great out there!” He said, finally sitting up and allowing his best friend to breath. 

“Thanks Kuroo! I know I kicked ass out there.” Kōtarō said, a grin on his face. 

Yaku cleared his throat, his hand on his hip. “Hello, we’re here too!” He said, turning the attention to where him, Lev, Alisa, and his family were. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were standing a little further behind them. He had yet to see Kenma or Akaashi, but he didn’t really mind. After the performance he just gave, he wasn’t sure he could look at Akaashi without immediately tearing up. At least not this very second. 

“Don’t worry Yakkun! I could never forget about you.” Kōtarō said, pulling himself up with Kuroo’s outstretched hand and going over to the group of people still in the door. 

He hugged and greeted everyone, inviting them in for some cool down time and drinks. Unfortunately, Kōtarō’s mother and sisters couldn’t stay long. They all had to be up early tomorrow for work or for practice so they left after praising their only boy and leaving him with plenty of promises to stay longer next time. 

Bokuto sat on one couch with Kuroo on his right and Tsukishima on his left, Yamaguchi taking up the comfy chair and Lev, Alisa and Yaku taking up most of the other longer couch. 

“You were so awesome out there, Bokuto-san! I’ve never seen you play live, it was so cool!” Lev said, a wide grin on his face as he raised his arms up. 

“Oi, watch it! You’re going to spill that everywhere!” Yaku said, taking the opened can of soda in Lev’s hands before it ended up on the plush black sofa. He made sure to keep an eye on his own drink as well, making sure it wasn’t knocked out of his hands by the lanky model next to him. 

“It was amazing! I had such a good time.” Alisa said, ignoring her younger brother and his boyfriend, her hands clasped closed to her face as she sent Bokuto an angelic smile. 

“Thank you guys! I’m glad you enjoyed yourselves.” Bokuto said, sipping on his water. He made a mental note to either drink tea with honey in it, or just straight honey when he got home later tonight. His throat was begging for more relief than he was providing. 

“Thank you for inviting us, Bokuto-san! Me and Tsukki had a really good time too.” Yamaguchi said, a bright grin on his face. Tsukishima simply nodded, sipping on the water he had in his hands. 

“Aww, Tsukki! I’m glad you had such a good time. I’ll be sure to give you and Yamaguchi more tickets the next time I play in Tokyo.” Bokuto said, throwing his arm around Tsukishima who now had a deadpan look on his face. 

“That would be nice, Bokuto-san, but please let me go and stop calling me that.” Tsukishima said, a sigh escaping his lip. 

Everyone in the room laughed and Kuroo joined in, his long arm reaching over the two as he and Bokuto antagonized the tall blonde. All in good fun of course. 

Speaking of blondes. “Oi, Kuroo. Where’s Kenma? I thought I saw him in the crowd.” Bokuto said, raising a brow and looking around the room. 

Everyone kind of went a little quieter, Kuroo looking away scratching the back of his neck and dropping the smile he had on his face while those around him continued their conversation. 

“He said he was going to the bathroom with Akaashi before we came back here. I’m not sure if they’re even coming back here at all honestly.” He explained, looking to see what kind of expression Bokuto had on his face. 

“Oh, okay.” Bokuto said, clearing his throat. “Did-Did Kenma mention this before? That he was bringing Kei-Kashi-Akaashi I mean.” He said, tripping over his words a bit. 

Kuroo shook his head. “No. I showed up to pick up Kenma since we had agreed to carpool. Akaashi came out with him and all he said was that Kenma invited him. I didn’t want to bring him but those two are way too persistent for me, even if Kenma is a little lazy.” He said, a sigh leaving his lips. “He said he wanted to see you. I told him he didn’t deserve to, not after the shit he pulled, but insisted he owed you a proper apology since you never got one in the first place. The nerve of him to say something like that and not even come back here, tch.” He scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Bokuto wasn’t sure if he felt relief from not seeing Akaashi, or offense. He knew he deserved at least an apology, but not speaking to him ever again and trying to heal with time did seem pretty appealing at the moment. Then again, Akaashi was friends with a lot of his friends, even if some of them were shitty and encouraged cheating, but that didn’t mean he had any right to be mad at anyone who wanted to hang out with him just because. Not that he was mad, just more confused and curious as to why Kenma had been with Akaashi tonight. 

“It’s okay, Kuroo.” Bokuto said, finally deciding to just let the situation go. “I don’t care if he's here, even if he ends up not coming back here at all. I’m happy I got to see all of you guys at least.” He said, looking at everyone in the room who smiled in response, even Tsukishima had a small smile on his face. 

“Aw, you’re so cheesy Bo!” Kuroo said, setting his drink down and throwing an arm around Bokuto’s shoulders to trap him and mess up his hair even more than it already was. 

“Hey! My hairs’ messy enough, quit it!” Bokuto protested, laughing as he tried to pry Kuroo off of him. 

They soon ended up wrestling, Tsukishima moving to sit on the arm of the chair Yamaguchi was on to avoid getting mixed in the two older males' antics. 

Everyone laughed, Yaku rolled his eyes but he still took some pictures and videos of the two messing around, panning the camera across the room at everyone who was currently there. Just for memories sake. 

It was 30 minutes of pleasant conversation and playful antics later that a knock sounded at the door. Everyone paused in conversation, attention now on the door. 

“Come in!” Bokuto said, not really in the mood to get up and open it. He figured it was his manager or someone from his label coming to check on him or something. 

When the door opened, Kenma stepped in with his hands in his pockets. “Hey, sorry I’m late.” He said, his voice its usual quiet and blunt tone. 

Bokuto grinned, standing up and going over to his friend. He had been so caught up in conversation, he forgot Akaashi was here and for now just focused on Kenma finally showing up. 

“Don’t worry about it!” Bokuto said, throwing an arm around the shorter man's shoulders and beginning to lead him further into the room. However, Kenma stayed rooted firmly in place but made no move to remove Bokuto’s arm. 

“Hold on a second, there’s still someone in the hall who needs to talk to you.” Kenma said softly, placing a comforting hand on Bokuto’s forearm. The silver haired man raised a brow before realization dawned on him. “Oh.” He simply said, unhooking his arm from Kenma’s shoulders. 

With a sigh, he opened the door and turned to walk back to the sofa without even sparing a glance at who he had just exposed nervously fidgeting with his hands in the doorway. 

“You can come in you know, none of us bite.” Bokuto said, sitting in his spot by Kuroo. He still refused to look in the direction he knew Akaashi was in, all he could picture was his face with tears running down it. If he never saw that image for the rest of his life, it would be too soon. 

Kenma and Akaashi walked in, Kenma taking the spot Tsukishima had previously been next to Bokuto while Akaashi sat as far away as he could from Yaku since that was the only other open space. 

The atmosphere was tense, nobody dared to speak. Bokuto hated it. 

He clenched his jaw and sipped at his water. “There’s stuff in the fridge, if you guys want.” He said, desperately trying to break the tense atmosphere. 

“Actually, Bokuto-san, I have practice tomorrow so Yamaguchi and I should probably get going.” Tsukishima said, throwing his and his partners' trash away. “Thank you for inviting us.” He said, bowing curtly before making his leave with Yamaguchi at his side. 

“Bye, thanks for coming!” Bokuto said, waving to the two and watching as they left out the door. He mentally thanked every god that Tsukishima was good at reading rooms. 

“That’s our cue too. I had a wonderful time Bokuto-kun! I’d love to see you play again soon.” Alisa said, standing up and adjusting the skirt she had on. Yaku nodded and stood as well, side eyeing Akaashi but saying nothing. “Thank you for inviting us, Bokuto.” Yaku said, dragging along a pouting Lev who wasn’t ready to leave quite yet. Alisa just smiled and waved, everyone saying goodbye as they watched the other three disappear out of the door, shutting it behind them. 

Now all that remained in the room was Kenma, who had now moved to sit with Akaashi now that everyone else had left, Akaashi, Bokuto and Kuroo. Once again, the tense atmosphere was back but this time worse. Especially with the glare Kuroo was sending in Akaashi’s direction. 

“Kuroo, knock it off.” Bokuto simply said, nudging his side. Kuroo only let out a huff, his arms crossed over his chest again as he returned to his resting face. It was only a slight improvement. 

Surprisingly, Kenma was the first to start the conversation on the elephant in the room. “Kuro, let’s go to the other room. Keiji wanted to talk to Kōtarō alone.” He simply said, standing up. 

“Why?” Kuroo scoffed, his eyebrow raised as he glared back at Akaashi again. The other shifted uncomfortably in his seat, avoiding his intense hazel gaze. “Can’t he say it himself?” 

“Kuro.” Kenma said firmly, now at his side with a hand on his shoulder. 

“Down boy, I’ll be fine.” Bokuto said, leaning into his best friend's side a bit with a warm smile on his face. Kuroo immediately relaxed and let his shoulders slump, standing up and following Kenma out of the room. “Fine, let me know if you need anything.” He said, concern in his tone as he looked at his best friend. 

“I will, Tetsurō.” Bokuto said, sending him one last smile to a shocked face. Kenma had to physically pull him out the door before he ended up shutting it on himself. 

At that moment, the only thing going through Kuroo’s mind was, 

“He called me Tetsurō..?” 

As he wordlessly followed Kenma down the hall to the other dressing room to give the other two time to talk. 

Bokuto finally looked over to Akaashi who sat across from him and took the time to examine him while the other wordlessly fidgeted with the sleeve of the black sweatshirt he wore. 

Bokuto cleared his throat and spoke, just wanting to get rid of the awkward atmosphere. “Did you enjoy the show?” He asked, his intense golden gaze never once leaving the handsome man in front of him. 

Akaashi flinched slightly, looking up and making brief eye contact before looking away once again. 

The ebony haired male nodded his head, gunmetal blue eyes finally meeting golden honey eyes. “Yes, you played very well tonight. I had a really good time.” He simply said. 

Bokuto nodded, a small smile making its way onto his face at the praise. Well, he did want everyone who attended to have a good time after all. “Good, I’m glad.” He said. 

Akaashi nodded, taking his lip into his teeth. Bokuto swallowed the lump that began to form, deciding to just rip the bandage off rather than drag out this conversation. “So, you had something to tell me?” He asked, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his thighs. Right now, Akaashi had all his attention. 

The other took in a breath and sat up straighter, nodding his head before he began to speak. “Yes, I did.” He began, mentally preparing himself for this conversation. “I realized that ever since you’ve come back, I never got to apologize for my actions even though I had an opportunity to explain myself.” He said, his eyebrows now furrowed as he twisted and bent his long elegant fingers. He took a breath and stood up, bowing forward and low as he spoke. “I’m sorry, Bokuto-san. You didn’t deserve to be treated that way, you didn’t deserve to be hurt over my stupidity. What I did was unacceptable and you have every right to hate me and not want nothing to do with me but I-” He was cut off when he felt a warm hand on his shoulder, lifting his head just a bit to see warm golden eyes staring down at him. 

“Stand up straight, Akaashi.” Bokuto said, his hand falling back to his side as the other male stood to his full height. “Look, Bokuto-san I’m really sorry-” 

“I forgive you.” 

“And I’m not asking for forgiveness- wait what?” Akaashi’s eyes were wide, his eyebrows almost meeting his hairline. 

“I said I forgive you, Akaashi.” Bokuto said, taking a step closer and wrapping his arms around Akaashis shoulders as he remained frozen on the spot, still shocked at what he heard. “You… what?” He said, his shaky arms now going around Bokuto’s torso. 

“I forgive you, Akaashi.” Bokuto repeated, his arms tightening a bit to reassure the man he was telling the truth. 

“Just like that..?”

“Just like that.” 

“But I don-” 

“Yes you do. You deserve to be forgiven, and I forgive you.” 

Bokuto could practically hear the protests leaving Akaashi’s mind as he felt him tighten his arms around his midsection and rest his forehead on his shoulder. 

“Does this mean we can..?” Akaashi began, his voice laced with hesitance. 

“No.” Bokuto simply said, still making no move to break the hug. Who knew when he’d be able to hug Akaashi like this again? 

“I forgive you, but I can’t trust you. I can’t be in a relationship with someone I don’t trust, I’m sorry Akaashi.” He said, his grip tightening one last time before he went to go break the hug. 

Akaashi however tightened his grip, refusing to let go just yet. “I understand. You have no reason to be sorry.” He said, feeling the hot tears pool in his eyes. “I was foolish to think it would be this easy to win you over again with a silly apology.” He said, a dry laugh leaving him as he held back his sobs. 

Bokuto felt his heart break. He wanted so desperately to just kiss away every tear he felt soaking through his shirt but he held back, just holding the other in his arms as he silently cried. “Not foolish, hopeful. There’s nothing wrong with that.” He whispered into Akaashi’s wavy black hair, taking in his scent and imprinting it into his memories. “I still love you. I love you so, so much, but I can’t Keiji. I just can’t.” He said, feeling the hot tears fall down his own face now. 

Akaashi nodded, trying to find words. “I know, Kō. I understand. I love you too.” He said, his voice wavering slightly. “Damnit.” He said, his hands now gripping at the fabric of Bokuto’s white t-shirt. 

Bokuto let out a shaky sigh, his chin still resting on Akaashi’s hair as he looked up at the bright fluorescent lights of the ceiling. He felt strangely at peace, despite crying and holding onto his ex who was also crying. This is what he craved, this is what he’s wanted ever since seeing Akaashi in the grocery store months ago. Closure. He felt better knowing he had it, despite his heart shattering into pieces knowing he was letting someone so close to him go. 

The road to healing was never an easy one, but at least he knew he was taking a step in the right direction by talking with Akaashi. 

They stood there, completely losing track of time just wrapped into each other's embrace, cherishing it in case it was their last. It wasn’t like they themselves were dying, but their relationship just did pretty much. 

Finally, Akaashi pulled away. He didn’t know long had passed nor did he care, he just wiped his bloodshot eyes with the back of his sleeve and took a second to compose himself. 

Bokuto did the same, taking deep breaths while pushing his hair off his forehead. He desperately needed a shower and something to eat. 

Even though Bokuto felt like absolute shit, he was happy to have gotten to end this relationship on a peaceful note. “Come on, Kuroo and Kenma are waiting for you.” He said, turning his back to Akaashi and gathering his own bag and guitar case. 

“Right. Uhm, Bokuto-san?” 

“Kōtarō.” Bokuto said, his back still turned as he adjusted his bag on his shoulder and his guitar case on the other. “Just, Kōtarō.” 

“K-Kōtarō. Thank you, for hearing me out I mean.” Akaashi said, a soft smile on his face. 

“I mean, I did kind of blow up the last time you tried to explain things so I guess I owed you this time. It’s no big deal Keiji.” Bokuto said, his signature warm grin on his face. Even if it was a little forced, Akaashi still found comfort at being on the receiving end of it again. 

“Oh, Keiji? Can I ask you something?” Bokuto asked, his full attention on the other male once again. Akaashi simply nodded and urged him to continue. 

“Are you and Osamu… you know. Are you guys actually dating?” He asked, averting eye contact to avoid seeing Akaashi’s reaction. He probably shouldn’t have asked, but curiosity got the better of him and those instagram and twitter posts really did a number to fuel his anger when writing his latest song. 

“No, we’re not. I don’t love him. He tries to make advances on me, but I never accepted it. Not since late December at least.” Akaashi said bluntly. Bokuto almost let out a sigh of relief but he held back, deciding now wasn’t a very appropriate time. 

“Got it. I just- I saw a lot of stuff on instagram and twitter so I just assumed-” 

“And got your inspiration for the new song there? I figured as much. A lot of it was out of context or him being there just as someone was taking a picture to post. I saw a lot of it, I wasn’t too happy about it.” Akaashi said, a sigh leaving him. 

Bokuto almost ran over and kissed him. Almost. 

“R-Right. Just wondering is all.” Bokuto said as innocently as he could. “We should probably go, Kenma and Tetsu have been waiting.” He said, opening the door. 

Akaashi nodded, even though Bokuto wasn’t looking, and followed him out. “The dressing room is just down the hall, first door on the left. I think that’s where they are. Tell Kenma and Tetsu I said thank you for coming. And thank you too Keiji, for coming and having a good time.” Bokuto said, a soft genuine smile on his face. 

Akaashi returned his smile. “I’m glad to have come tonight. You played wonderfully Kōtarō.” 

“Thank you. Goodnight Keiji.” He said, turning on his heel to go the opposite direction towards where his manager said he would be. 

“Goodnight Kōtarō.” Akaashi said, watching his figure disappear down the hall. 

\-- 

When he was far enough away, Akaashi let out a sigh and brought a hand up to his chest to feel his racing heartbeat. His expression had fallen into one of despair again, feeling an empty hole in his chest. “I’ll wait for you. I’ll wait for you, Kōtarō.” He muttered to himself, turning and making his way down the hall where he assumed the dressing room Kuroo and Kenma were in. 

“I don’t care how long it takes, or if it takes an eternity. I’ll be here waiting for you to come back to me.” 

Akaashi knew Bokuto had taken the first steps to move on, he was happy for him, he really was, but he still loved the man more than anything and refused to give up on him so easily. He wanted Bokuto to be happy, he wanted him to never lose his award winning smile, he wanted him to remain his star in this world of darkness he found himself in again, even if that meant watching from afar as Bokuto moved on in his life. 

He would wait for Bokuto, even if that meant waiting until they reincarnated and met again in some other world, a world where Akaashi didn’t make dumb mistakes and fuck himself over. A world where he and Bokuto could live out their days happy and in love. A world where toxic friends and bad injuries didn’t exist. 

Akaashi sighed. He didn’t care if he was being childish or selfish, he just wanted Bokuto back. If he never got him back, then at the very least he could watch as Bokuto regained his real smile again and regained his true happiness again. Even if it wasn’t with him, he would still be happy and that’s all that would matter. 

Akaashi shook his head to rid those thoughts for now, pushing open the door and seeing Kenma and Kuroo talking about something before their attention landed on the ebony haired male. 

Kuroo was on his feet in seconds, concern written on his face as he looked behind Akaashi. 

“Where’s Kōtarō?” Kuroo asked, raising an eyebrow at Akaashi. 

Akaashi froze for a second, a memory flashing in his head. 

“I will Tetsurō.”

Kuroo-san looked shocked, almost like it was his first time hearing his best friend refer to him by his given name. Now he’s using Kōtarō’s given name? 

Akaashi snapped out of his gaze when he heard Kuroo call out to him. 

“-Kaashi, Akaashi, earth to Akaashi!” Kuroo huffed, an impatient hand on his hip. 

“He forgave me.” Akaashi said, making eye contact with the older man. Kuroo looked shocked, even Kenma’s eyes went wide for a split second. 

“He did?” 

Akaashi nodded and explained their entire conversation, not leaving a single detail out. Kenma and Kuroo were both shocked to hear the events of what happened, Kenma not sure what to say. 

“That dumb owl is too kind for his own good,” Kuroo sighed out, letting his head fall backwards as he took in a breath. “Let’s go, I’m gonna take you and Kenma back to his place then go check on Kō.” He said, digging around for his keys in his pockets till he finally found them in his hoodie pocket. 

Kenma stood and followed Kuroo out, Akaashi walking close behind lost in thought. He couldn’t help the nagging itch in the back of his head but he pushed that away, deciding not to dwell on it now. It would probably creep up on him later when he tried to sleep though. 

Kuroo didn’t end up getting Akaashi and Kenma back to his place until around 10:30pm, declining the offer Kenma had given him for a drink or something. 

Akaashi and Kenma watched as Kuroo sped away, nearly missing the stop sign. 

“I think there’s something going on between Kōtarō and Kuro.” Kenma commented, turning on his heel to walk into his home. 

Akaashi raised a brow and followed him. “What do you mean?” 

“Things are… different for those two. They’re always causing chaos but lately, Kuro has been worrying about Kōtarō like a mother hen or something. Kōtarō even started using his given name and they’ve been a little more touchy than usual. I’m starting to think something might have clicked for them.” Kenma said, kicking off his shoes. 

Akaashi didn’t know what to say. He had his suspicions after tonight, but hearing Kenma mention it and bring up other examples, he couldn’t help but feel dread pool in the pit of his stomach. 

Akaashi pushed away his thoughts before they could become too much, taking a seat with Kenma on his sofa. “Are you sure something clicked?” He questioned, trying to sound nonchalant. 

Kenma fired up his playstation before answering, deciding to settle on netflix for now rather than offer up one of his many games he had. “Hmm. No.” He finally said. 

Akaashi let his shoulders relax slightly, leaning back on the couch. 

Kenma got comfortable as well, tucking his legs under him. “But I have my suspicions.” He said, handing Akaashi the controller to pick out a movie or something to watch. 

Akaashi hummed in thought, browsing through the movie selection on the home screen. “I see.” 

\--

Kuroo sped down the intersection, honestly amazed with himself he didn’t get a ticket or crash into anyone. He didn’t have time to worry about that now though, he only had one goal in mind. Once he figured that out, of course, then he would worry about his accomplishments while speeding. 

He arrived at Bokuto’s apartment complex a little after 11pm, parking in the closet space before making his way past the gates and into the lobby. He had Bokuto’s security code, so getting in was no issue. The elevator ride up to the 8th floor was a minute of tourture, tapping his foot as he passed up each floor. 

Finally, after what felt like forever, he knocked on his best friends door. He was probably asleep by now, judging by the time and how tired he was earlier, but he didn’t care. He wanted to check on him and would wake him up to make sure he was okay.

At least, that’s what he told himself. He kept at it, knocking on the door while ringing his doorbell waiting until his best friend answered. 

Bokuto sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes and pushing the damp hair off his forehead before getting up to answer and yell at whoever decided to interrupt him just as he was dozing off. His manager had dropped him off not long ago, only after talking his ear off of course. Once he had gotten home, he immediately showered and got into bed, only wearing boxers and comfy sweatpants. Unfortunately, he couldn’t even fall asleep because someone decided to rudely interrupt him. He didn’t even register the way they had announced themself, giving away exactly who it was. 

Bokuto swung the door open, narrowly avoiding a raised fist that had been previously knocking. “What the hell Tetsu? I just laid down.” Bokuto complained, stepping aside to let the taller male in before shutting the door behind him. 

Kuroo stepped inside, kicking off his shoes,a high top pair of black skate vans, as Bokuto turned on the lamp, the living room now bathed in a warm orange glow. “Sorry, I just wanted to check on you.” He said, walking over to his best friend who was rubbing his eyes tiredly. 

“It’s okay, I’m okay.” Bokuto said, a yawn leaving his lips. “Just tired.” He said, scratching his bare shoulder. 

Kuroo chuckled a bit, a fond smile on his face. He was only a foot or so away from him now. 

“Akaashi told me what happened. You dumb owl, so quick to forgive.” He said, lightly pushing his shoulder. The other simply laughed a bit in response, lazily swatting his hand away. 

“It’s true. I forgive him, but I don’t think I’ll be able to trust him again. If I’m gonna be in a relationship, it’s gonna be with someone I trust.” Bokuto said, turning his head. 

It could be the lighting in the room, but Kuroo could have swore he saw a faint pink dusting on Bokuto’s face. He let out a sigh and placed his hand on the other's shoulder, successfully gaining his attention again. At least now he looked more awake. He didn’t care that Bokuto was shirtless, he pulled him into a comforting hug, feeling the others arms almost immediately wrap around him. 

“Well that’s a good thing. Akaashi- man he lost out on a really good one.” Kuroo said, a humorless laugh leaving him. His chin was resting on Bokuto’s shoulder, rubbing comforting circles onto his bare back. 

Bokuto hummed in thought, his cheek pressed up against Kuroo’s shoulder. “Well… doesn’t that mean that someone else can get this good one?” He asked. 

Kuroo raised a brow and pulled back from the hug just enough to look Bokuto in his heavy lidded eyes. “Someone you trust?” He asked, his eyes roaming over his sculpted face. 

Bokuto nodded in confirmation, looking directly into warm hazel eyes that looked absolutely gorgeous in the dim lighting of the living room. 

“Hey, Kō…” Kuroo trailed off, one hand now tilting his chin up slightly while the other rested where his neck met his shoulder. Bokuto had both his hands on either side of Kuroo’s narrow hips, his hands slipping under his hoodie to feel the bare skin just above his low cut jeans. 

“Yeah, Tetsu?” 

“Do you trust me?” 

“More than anything.” 

That was all Kuroo needed to hear. He leaned in, tilting his head and placing a gentle kiss to Bokuto’s lips. The other immediately returned it, pulling him in a bit closer by his belt loops while his hands returned to his sculpted hips. Kuroo could taste Bokuto’s toothpaste, the sharp mint flavor mixing with the cool peppermint of the gum he had begun chewing earlier to calm his nerves. 

God, they could stay like this for hours, just lost in each other's embrace. Kuroo was so warm and a really big comfort to Bokuto. He had remained constant ever since they had met, just being eachothers safe haven to goof off without the judging looks of anyone else. 

After a bit, Kuroo pulled away, staring into Bokuto’s half lidded eyes with his own, still staying only merely inches away. 

“I never realized how badly I wanted to do that until now.” He commented, a small smile on his face. Though, it looked more like a smirk. Bokuto knew the difference though. 

“Me either.” The silver haired male agreed, leaning over to peck his lips once again. 

“Nope, I don’t do little half assed things like that.” Kuroo said, a small laugh escaping him as he placed both his hands on either side of Bokuto’s face, kissing him deeply before the other could get a word in. 

Bokuto, however, had no objections. His hands remained on his hips, pulling him closer while his hands roamed under Kuroo’s hoodie around the lean muscles he had. He gently dragged his nails around the smooth skin, feeling the way he shuddered under his touch. 

Kuroo combated this by biting Bokuto’s lip, taking the opportunity to enter when he had opened his mouth to gasp. 

If anyone had asked Bokuto how he thought he would end his night, he certainly wouldn’t have said making out with his best friend in the dim lighting of his living room in the middle of the night. He had no problem with it though, he felt completely content. 

Bokuto was the first to pull away this time, moving his head slowly and watching as the thin string of saliva that connected their lips eventually broke. He had a smug grin on his face, now chewing Kuroo’s gum he had stolen while they were kissing. 

Kuroo chuckled and ran his thumb over Bokuto’s kiss swollen lip. “I’d say give me back my gum, but that’s kinda hot.” He said, licking his own lips a bit. 

“Like you.” Bokuto teased, breaking away from the hold he had on Kuroo. “You can stay the night, but I’m going to sleep. I’m still mad at you for waking me up.” He pouted, walking into the kitchen to throw away the gum. “You know where the clothes are. You can shower if you want to.” He said, stretching his arms over his head and letting out a yawn. 

Kuroo nodded and followed him into his bedroom, sitting on the edge of his bed once Bokuto laid down under the covers. “I’m gonna shower, then come back. Your bed okay?” He asked, a fond smile on his face looking at the handsome man already dozing off.

“Mhm, you’re warm.” Bokuto muttered. Kuroo smiled and leaned down to push his hair back and plant a soft kiss to his forehead, adjusting the blanket further up his shoulder. “Okay. I’ll be back soon. Night Kōtarō.” 

“Night Tetsurō.” 

Kuroo stood up and picked out a pair of sweatpants for himself, deciding to just stay shirtless like Bokuto and walked out of the bedroom, shutting the door quietly behind him. 

Before he showered, he made sure the lights in the living room were off and the front door was locked, just habits he had picked up ever since he started living alone a few years ago. Once that was done, he quickly showered and dried off, dressing in the pants he had borrowed. Just like every other pair of bottoms he borrowed from the silver haired man, he had to tie them so they wouldn’t fall off his hips. Stupid Bokuto and his glorious hips. 

Kuroo shook his head to rid any of those thoughts and walked out of the bathroom, pushing his damp and flat hair off his forehead. He quietly opened the bedroom door, seeing Bokuto still soundly asleep and snoring lightly. He smiled and shut the door behind him, pulling the blankets back and getting comfortable. Bokuto had shifted a bit, his arm and leg now thrown over Kuroo. He didn’t mind though, this felt really nice. 

Kuroo had an arm wrapped loosely under Bokuto, his hand resting on the warm skin of his back while his other hand rested behind his own head on his pillow. 

Kuroo sighed and planted one last kiss to Bokuto’s temple before shutting his eyes, letting the warm embrace of sleep take him. 

Despite the hardships Bokuto had been through these last few months, he finally found a reason to smile genuinely again. He loved Akaashi, yes, but that didn’t mean he would pine and waste his life over someone who broke his trust. Maybe he would open his heart again, hell maybe it would be to someone who already had a place there. 

Maybe, just maybe.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading all the way till the end! Should I continue this? I think I will... I have a few ideas. If not, I hope you guys enjoyed this! Let me know if there were any mistakes because I'm literally finishing this at like 3am so yeah.. no editing either. I mean I got grammerly, but that's it.  
> If you reading this have any ideas, let me know! I'm posting it as a complete work for now, but that may change in the future if I get the motivation/enough ideas to actually continue this. :))


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